I saw this today. From the top of Corona heights park. It was actually quite glorious.

I get it life. It's not all sunshine and roses.

Most of the time.

I guess stuff like the above makes it okay? I guess...

Why am I so frustrated?

OH.

It's because everyone and everything is so frustrating. Got it.

I think it speaks to my inner-crazy control freak that I feel like nobody is behaving how I'd like them to. If it's too hard to be around me, that's okay. I'm not for everyone. Just leave me alone, thanks.

Where the Ho-hos?

Seriously.

Stress Eating.

Tour

Just got back from being on tour with the SF state Chamber Singers. It was a rather long trip that was kind of overstimulating. Everything was SING SING SING SING EAT SING SING SING GET ON THE BUS SING SING SING EAT SING. It was weird. I learned a lot about select members of the group (perhaps more than I wanted to) and didn't practice trumpet as much as I should have. Although, my recital was right before we left (good planning!) so I don't have rep that I need to be working on. We ended up in South Lake Tahoe, singing for a group of people about half as big as we are. At that point, I think we should have just gone home...but I don't know. I had fun at times. It was an interesting experience. Now I have to get back to the grind again. I'm going to the gym!

I LOVE EVERYTHING.

So i'm trying to be one of those people that is super stoked about life even though it has some questionable moments. If you know me at all, one of the multitude of my (somewhat obnoxious) catchphrases is "I hate everything. Even puppies". Under the helpful advice of the Goldin Universe website http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm (....don't judge me) I've decided to pretend until it actually happens....? I guess. Better than just continuing to pretend that everything sucks. It's probably more of a mix but I'm trying to be an all-or-nothing kind of guy.

I don't even know how to be here right now

San Francisco: Rainy and Unique

There's really no other place like it. Today I was awoken by my teacher calling me. At 9:30 am. On a Sunday. I was not coherent but what I managed to glean from him is that he wanted me to sub for him at a gig. I didn't know what it was but he told me to dress nice (in articles of clothing I don't own) and meet him at the Green Mortuary in North Beach. So, after a fiasco of Public transportation and retail merchandise, I show up slightly on time to see them playing a funeral procession at a wake. Wow, that's cool I guess. If only it wasn't raining...Anyways, we end up playing for about 4 hours, and I get a tip in a little red envelope. The whole thing was so surreal, wandering through china town playing brass band music...

That little red envelope. I happened on something profound, I guess, because of that envelope. This older trumpet player told me:

"Hey, I'll give you a dime for that envelope"

joking because the envelope presumably has something of higher value in it. To which I responded:

"Okay, it's just an envelope"

kind of joking that I would just hand him the envelope but keep what's inside. Which actually made me think:

Sometimes, we confuse the actual contents of the vessel for the vessel itself.

hmmmm. Me being a smartass has provided a nice metaphor for not taking things at face value. And how we are more than the sum of our parts. And things. Interesting....

Re-energized?

Why do I feel like Spring Break just sapped everything I have? I come back to San Francisco to find it raining. No groceries in my fridge because I don't have time to shop until tomorrow night. It might be the fact that our studio recital is a week from today and my junior recital is a week after that. So much work and I feel really drained. And assignments are already due. And..and...and...

: /

I've decided that I'd rather be Sleeping Beauty. I'd love to just fall asleep until Prince Charming came to rescue me. How sweet a deal would that be? Man, she was lucky. And if he never comes I'll just sleep and be beautiful. Things to aspire to be.

SLO

We're finally settled there. I feel good about it, I think.

The whole ordeal was (and is) a tad bit stressful but it's ultimately a positive move in the right direction.

The good things about SLO:

My mom and little brother have a place to live

It's close enough to walk to downtown

I'll be able to go home more often

When I go home, I'll have a place to stay

It's close to farmer's market

SLO is closer to San Francisco than Nipomo

My mom can finally focus on getting back on her feet

My little brother can start going to school

My little brother has a friend

My mom has a support system

and the list goes on, I think. It's a good thing. I'm glad I went home to help this transition.