Things

that I have been wanting to do: Get up, Clean, Go Grocery Shopping, see what Zunes are like, Call home, Work out, Eat, Go to LYRIC...and Blog. So far, I'm getting one of those things out of the way. It's looking like I'm not going to be doing much by way of getting the other things done. Oh well. I'm lying here in bed, doing nothing. It's quite wonderful to not have to go to work...then again, I could definitely use the money. Oh, money money money. I wish I had more energy. The day started off with me waking up after spending the night in the GSA Mentor's hotel room. It was wonderful hanging out with them. I just wish that I lived closer to the downtown area, or at least MUNI because they had to go so far out of their way. It would make life easier in any case. Ha, I suppose it will get easier after this February rolls around. I just have to make it up. Get my butt in gear and all that jazz. So, that's what I'm going to do. Start locally and it will have a ripple effect. My beginning: Go Grocery Shopping. It's a shame to have all this cereal and no milk.

My belly feels

somewhat happy. Yet undermined and impregnated with evil. Oh, the wonderful psychology of food and what it does to me. I have a vaguely prejudiced view against food. Partly because of the insane body image problems that we must all face. It's just one of those things that I find strange about myself: I don't enjoy the concept of food. I mean, sure I have some things that I like but if I didn't have to eat to survive; I wouldn't. I've been doing nothing but eat horribly and spend obscene amounts of money. I really should stop that. Today, I did what I came back to do: Work. Work. Work. It was boring and difficult, like usual. At least nothing changed. I get a sense of permanence from that which is quite pleasant so late in the year. It's been a rather tumultuous time. I could use a small amount of regularity. Although, I am waiting for a little change. Which I'm bound to get with the New Year. Part of my multi-faceted resolution will be to work out consistently. Yes, it has now come time.

I'm back...

in San Francisco. The trip up was quite uneventful. Everything has been so-so. I just wish that I didn't have to come home so soon. I hate my job. Very, Very much. The stupid vultures called me in to work the PM shift on New Year's eve! Eff that noise, thank you very much. I'm so done with it...only I'm just starting out. Especially because now that there is no other option but for me to move out February, and I have to make enough for a down payment somewhere else. I might possibly get a lot of money back from the Landlord (security deposit, last months rent). I really, really wish that it didn't have such a hold over me. But, such is the nature of the beast, I suppose. I'm sitting here in the Hyatt with my GSA mentor. I'm spending the night because it will make it easier to go to work. Yay! I can't wait for the New Year. Actually, I can't wait to go back to school. This is the first time that this has happened to me: I'm intensely excited for my education. Until then I'll drudge, drudge, drudge...

Flakiness, Gore, Police and Fun

That was my night. It was quite wonderful, actually. I started the day off in SLO during the day with my sister. We went around until Dad came and found us. After a huge emotional family meltdown, we came back home for a little while and then went out to Dinner which made everything okay. I had picked up Evie(!) and another friend and we all drove out to Cayucos to pick up one of my friends from north county. After that, we milled about until 10:15 when the show started but, not before seeing about a million people that I knew in high school and from SLO. And meeting up with my gorgeous friend to get my beanie that I had left in his car and my awesome friend who came to see Sweeney Todd with us. So, the movie was interesting. And gorey. Very, very gorey. Which, of course, was what we were expecting. The only problem was that my friend from Cayucos was 15 and couldn't get in but luckily another friend was with us that wanted to see Golden Compass, so we all went our seperate ways and decided to meet up after the movies. We get out afterwards and he's nowhere to be seen. I call him and he's not answering which was quite frustrating so, I gave him 5 minutes and we decided to leave him. Honestly, it was 12 in the morning and if he was going to not pick up his phone, it meant he was hanging out with the friend he went to the movies with. Whatever. Speaking of flakiness, after this whole ordeal, I was supposed to meet up with The Roommate to discuss some things. She was at my friend Hannah's house when the movie started which is wonderful because I wanted to see Hannah. So, we're on our way to see Hannah, when I realize that there's this cop following me. It finally turns it's lights on and I think "OH FUCK NO". The police officer walks up and asks for my license and all that jazz. My freaking lights weren't on. In the amped-ness after the movie and the fact that I realized that I left the keys in the car while it was unlocked, I didn't go through the mental checklist that most experienced drivers have. Plus, it was a full moon and everything was really well lit...but, it's still no excuse and I felt like a dumbass. The police officer checks to see if I'm a felon or if I'm high and then sends us on our merry way. Then, I pull up to Hannah's only to realize that the Roommate isn't there. Flakiness abounds! But, it's okay. I had no false pretenses that she had any sense of responsibility left whatsoever. So, I visited with Hannah and we contemplated how our friends have all deteriorated as Human beings. We talked for about 20 minutes and then Evie(!) was tired so, we left because I realize how much I was imposing on her generosity. Then we took our other friend home to Santa Maria and got gas and then came home. T'was quite a night, that night before the night before christmas.

What you know 'bout me?

Ha. Such a whimisical name for a blog that will most likely turn out to be depressing. I'm warning you now, I'm tired and tonight...well, I didn't go badly but, it didn't go as amazingly as I had planned. So, I went to work like normal with a packed bag to go out dancing later. I was supposed to see a movie in between getting off work and going to The Crib. Well, my friend is being sketch so, I decide to go to the movies by myself. Why not? I love my company. So, I go to see Beowulf. Which was an incredibly bad decision. The phrase "I AM BEOWULF" needs to be eradicated from the English Language. The entire plotline was ridiculous although they kind of had to roughly go with the bardic transcription on this one. Even though from what I remember, they didn't do a very good job. Again, that's from what I remember. Anyways, after my friend flakes on me with the movies, she flakes on me at the club, too! I was like "aww Hell naw" because, of course my grammar deteriorates at such events. I called her up and told her to get her ass down there but, to no avail. So, i spent most of my night flitting from this group (that I don't know very well) to that group (which I also don't know very well). It was interesting that I was so out of my element. I asked a few guys to dance but, that didn't go so well. I saw a couple of guys there that I had danced with before. Again, not so well. The most hilarious event of the night: First guy I talked to? Straight. As in, I go to a gay club. Sit down and pick the one guy who is guaranteed to not be interested. I mean sure, there were a lot of guys there not interested but, this guy was 0%. Hilarious. Oh, and I got groped. It made me slightly uncomfortable but then I guess somebody found me attractive. It was a pervy, invasive compliment, I suppose. I don't know. I'm just tired and cross and I have to be up in 3 hours to ride the bus to ride the bus to ride the train home. I'm going home! And then gay things will be the least of my worries. Because Nipomo doesn't have any! Hahaha. But honestly, as of right now I'm a little bit bored with the gay club scene. And the gay community in general. To generalize, they are shallow and not interested in what this tall, relationship-oriented, marginally attractive, seldom flamboyant, okay dancer has to offer. But, it's okay. The moon is beautiful tonight.

Finally

Oh, the play on words...
I did finish my Theory final, after 2 grueling hours of checking and re-checking my answers. I'm quite confident that I received a good grade. It wasn't too bad, actually. I finished and had time to go over it twice. The only bad part about the whole experience was afterwards I had to go home in the rain. But, I can deal. I was dressed comfortably and these new Fuggs repel water quite well. Now, I have nothing to do all day once more. Except for the fact that my supervisor wants me to come in for the P.M. shift...Bleh. In the rain, no less. I could call in to tell them No. I really, really could. But, I suppose I need the money. Even though hourly it's far, far less than what I would have made in the A.M. shift. I really don't want to. I guess I could go early and then go shopping near the Embarcadero and get all of that over with. Then again, Nope. Too Lazy. I'd just like to go to sleep and not wake up until tomorrow. Or Friday, better yet. Tomorrow is the very last day of my first semester at San Francisco State. I only have to do the Piano Final, and write a paper for Philosophy and Communications. I'm almost free. I can taste it.

Almost there...

GAHHH...I went in today for my first final of three this week. Piano in all of it's loveliness. Harmonization of a chosen melody. Whoo fucking hoo. I got an A (+) on it. Whatever that means. Actually, it pretty much means that all I have to do is get an A on the Repertory piece and I'll have an A+ in the class!! How exciting....
I need for this semester to be over. As in, right now. I'm going in for the Theory final tomorrow and the last part of my Piano final on wednesday. I want very much for it to be friday. But, then that would mean that I didn't have time to go shopping for gifts for the familia. Oh well, I just want to go home.
And what am I going to do right now, you ask? Well for the answer: I have no fucking clue. I'm fairly sure that I'm going to do a last little bit of Philosophy homework, laze about, and then go to sleep early so that I may wake up and be refreshed tomorrow. Sounds good? Okay.

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday

It's here and I was in desperate need of it. Went to sleep yesterday at 7ish and woke up today at 9ish. The sleep-whore in me sighs with contentment. So far I've done nothing but start to read the Golden Compass (again), run out of milk while eating the entirety of my stock of coookies, and go to the Grocery store to get some laundry detergent and tooth floss. Sounds exciting, huh? Now, I'm going to work out to make up for said consumption of cookie stock and possibly do my homework for Music Theory in preparation for my study session tomorrow. I like weekends very, very much. Not too exciting but, at least I don't have to wake up if I don't feel like it.
I go home in 6 days!! Wow. Christmas shopping needs to happen fairly soon.
Bah humbug. = ]

Done?

I can't believe that the semester is almost finished. It seems just yesterday I was learning peoples' names...oh wait that was yesterday. College is weird...But, I digress. I'm quite sad that I'll never see a few people again. Damn the stastic impossibility of getting any of them in my classes! There are also a few people I'm glad that I'm never going to see again. Ha! This will be my last post about him. EVER....most likely. I deleted him from my phone and from Facebook. It was rather anti-climactic. I was going to talk to him but, then lost sight of him as we were leaving for State. At this point, I gave up on the whole thing in my mind. My reasoning is: what could be said? I know how I feel. And this is the only thing I can really be sure of. So, I shall rejoice. Never again.
This weekend I'll do some laundry and study for my Theory final and practice for my piano final...maybe. It's bad but, I have at least a B in that class without doing the final. Do I really want to put in all that extra effort? I guess...With the end of the year looming upon the horizon, I find that I have more important things to consider. Perfect example: Where am I going to live after our lease is up? The good(?) part is that I'm working full time from january 2nd to the 24th. Unpleasant but, financially prudent. That's what I seem to be aiming for these days. I only get 5 days home with my family. But, it's happening in one week! I simply can't wait. And now, I must go back to sleep. I only slept last night for about 3 hours. The club was quite entertaining but school the next day was not. If ever I've had an exhausting friday, this was it. Even though I only technically had one class. I woke up at 7, Decided that the outfit I had planned wasn't that great, Went to Communications, didn't talk to the A.P.G. companion, Turned in my AIS final and decided not to go to a party that I'd been invited to because I'm so damn tired. All in the day of the life.

My faith in humanity is restored

oh, how fickle I am. One little incident reconciled and I'm back on the homo-sapien bandwagon. Although, it is really uplifting to find my wallet again. Having lost it brought out a hopeless despair that I'd like to keep on the back burner from now on. Honestly though, how funny it is that with this one isolated circumstance I've grown slightly less disgusted by humanity. I certainly love whoever returned it. If, by some odd chance you're reading this, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
But, i digress. There is also to consider the supernatural aspect of it all. Prayer apparently goes a long way. I was contemplating this resurgence of faith in humankind and thought "Perhaps I'm not giving credit where credit is due..." There have been a fair few coincidences lately. And I do recognize that things happen for reasons, supernatural or scientific. Hmmmm...Well, whatever the case may be I am intensely grateful for my wallet's return. And that my life has been made just that much easier. I feel that all the ease I can get would be greatly appreciated.

YES

stands for Youth Empowerment Summit. As I am still under 24, I count as a youth which means I got to go and see all of my friends from Queer Youth Advocacy Day. Krissy, Kiernan, Dwyn, and Taoni were there. I met Kiernan's friends Brandon and Allie and they were pretty much amazing. I danced a bit and had a fairly lovely time. One of the best workshops I've ever been to: A workshop on relationships hosted by a lesbian named Sue Anderson. It was wonderfully empowering and all that jazz. She had a lot of empowering things to say. One of which was how, in the end, the only person whose opinion matters is mine. I think this empowering feeling that I feel is one huge step towards finding that inner boyfriend. So many important things were said: Internal power is I rule the world. External power is the world rules me. I find this to be somewhat true. I will strive to rule my world in the future. I think one of the most powerful things that she said was

"Every relationship is a reminder of how wonderful I am"

I think this is how it should be. Relationships, platonic or romantic, should be for my benefit and the enrichment of the life of both people involved. It's applicable on so many levels.
I asked some people to dance. Some said yes. Some said No. Instead of coming from a place of "What's wrong with me?" I did a pretty okay job of realizing: yeah, it is a problem that they have to deal with themselves. So, I danced with Allie. I danced with Myself. He's a pretty good guy, that me.
I find something that I'm struggling with is how everything that I'm doing is based on the regard of other people. I'm not really looking for a romantic relationship. Then again, I'm not NOT looking for a relationship. I'm unsure of where I stand on that whole point but, I digress. It seems that I care way too much about what others think of me. I think the whole of idea (that I understand) of Buddhism's True self is that my superficial body and thoughts created and about that body aren't really what matters. To tie that in with the very American "The only person that matters is Me" philosophy, is I think something that I need to remember is that I am the only person that I can truly influence and whose thoughts I can actively change. It's a very strange place in which I am right now but, it's okay. I'm going to be a little bit less conceited and start to love myself a little more. I'm going to eat cookies and drink eggnog. I'm going to forget about him and find him in me. This is an interesting revelation.

Hey.

That was my first actual word to him in over a month. Hey? I'm such a spaz. Whatever. It's not like it was a huge deal anyways. More importantly, I'm going to be sad when I don't have to go to that class anymore. I really enjoy Communications and I made a few friends in that class. Another thing that I noticed was that the Attractive to non-attractive people ratio in that class was very high. Which, to be utterly shallow, doesn't hurt I suppose. Wow. I'm really not liking how this blog is turning out. But, I shall continue. Maybe it will get better. Stay Tuned!


Ummmm...So, today was my final huge project in Comm. Apparently, It went well. At least that's what the teacher said. And who am I to believe? ha. I Wung it. haha. Winged? I did whatever and it worked. So nice to not have to prepare. I'm setting a horrible standard but, it's finals week and I had work and class non-stop. Next semester will be different. This I steadfastly believe in.

Also, Yesterday my landlord put the package that my family sent in the laundry room. Meaning that I woke up to some early christmas presents, food and toilet paper and tooth paste. I haven't opened it all up, yet. I think I'm going to go do that now. It's wonderfully exciting!

Plugging along

Drudgery. Finals week is coming up. I've been working on homework. And cleaning. and doing laundry. And trying not to obsess about a few things. Trying not to focus on how much of a loser I am. Figuratively and literally, of course. I guess I am lucky. I cancelled my check card and didn't have to account for any "fraudulent activity". I can go apply for another driver's license. The worst part of it is having to buy another student ID. And another MUNI pass. and having to explain to my landlord that I lost my set of keys. FUCK MY LIFE. I feel so ineffectual and immature. That might be because i'm behaving as such right now. Oh well, at least I have a plan. And i'm making it happen. This seems to be how I deal with stress: Make a plan. Enact it. It doesn't matter that I want to curl up and sleep forever...

Forget it.

I hate being so forgetful. I hate that I can't just forget certain things and retain the important stuff. I feel SO FUCKING STUPID.

I forgot my wallet on the bus.

It had all of my stuff in it. My driver's license, my MUNI pass, my keys and $20 dollars. I'm quite angry. Of course, I called the headquarters immediately but, of course nobody is going to turn it in. This is a city filled with crackheads and wallet-takers.
This is a loss that I'm not sure that I can fully recover from. Well, of course I can recover but I'm really pissed that I have to. Whatever. My life was going somewhat well...
okay, not really. This was just a continuing trend.

November's end

My birth month has come to a close. Unfortunately, I didn't blog as much as I should have. I guess this is a sign that i'm less troubled and out of sorts than I was in Ocotober. Hmmm...
My first week back after my mini-vacation pretty much started right back up where I left off. Went to work, choir, school. I took a test the very first day back which was lovely. At least I got a 97% on it. And work was alright. At least I made almost $200 bucks this week. My only problem is that I feel that I shouldn't have to say "at least". It denotes that I'm searching for the silver lining when actually, the dark clouds don't exist. Or shouldn't anyways. I do know one thing: I'm definitely ready for another break. Although, this weekend should be pretty fun. I'm starting off not having to go to school until 1 o'clock. Hence, the time to do this post. Comm. was cancelled which also means no A.P.g companion. It's sort of becoming a non-issue now that I only have 3 weeks left in the sememster.
Then, tomorrow I'm going to a dance performance with my friend. And Sunday will finally mean that I have time to clean and do the mountain of homework that I've been assigned in preparation for finals week. Yep, should be a good weekend.

It's almost 12:34

And I'm waiting to make a wish. Oh wait! There, it changed. I wish for a lot of things. I wish for him to find me. I wish for my next time with my family to come sooner than I expect and last longer than it is. I also wish for tomorrow to go smoothly. I've really enjoyed my stay in Nipomo. Despite not getting to see everyone that I wanted to. And not really getting to see everyone that I got to see for very long. Oh well, Nipomo has an interesting effect on my emotions. By literally returning to a place where I was immature, I have figuratively done so. I'm now in a state of mind that I feel has regressed from where I was in San Francisco. I'm actually somewhat ready to go back....okay, nevermind. Not really, but I suppose I have no choice. I'm ready to go back for certain aspects. I really don't like being the only out gay person in a mile radius. I really don't like not having anywhere to go when I hang out with my friends. But, other than that I wish I could spend more time here, Eat with my family and get flabbier than I've been getting lately. Back to the grind stone. I guess. I'll need to make some more money to recover the horrible spending that I've been doing lately. Oh Yes, my favorite things: Being single in a one-horse town while eating food that is horrible for me and spending obscene amounts of money.

Breaking

I've been breaking pretty intensely. Today I spent a few hours with my GSA Leader/Mentor person. She's amazing and I love her and her family. Then, I spent time with Dad and my sister which was very Fun. I regret not spending more time with them when I had the chance...But, I suppose that's neither here nor there. After spending time with them, I went to "The Sound of Music" which featured my friend from PCPA in a wonderful Leiderhosen/dress ensemble.
Evie (!) and I went to see it and it was actually quite lovely. Despite being terribly cliche, the harmonies were pretty tight.
Up until today, I haven't been really doing much except hanging out with the Familia and Bandrew. Oh, and having a terrible and then alright thanksgiving dinner which I won't discuss save for mentioning the fact that despite a few hitches, my first Thanksgiving made me very thankful. For a lot of things.

Packing!

It's a whirlwind of clothes and containers and all that jazz. Deciding on which outfits and whatnot. All with a pleased sort of glow because I'm going home tomorrow! In 12 hours I will be on the bus, listening to some good music, and getting ready to see mi familia. It's quite wonderful. I don't really know what else to put up here except:


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Buddhism! and the Twin's Birthday

Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures to show but, today was a rather eventful one. I went to a Gay Buddhist Meeting for meditation and discussion. The meditation didn't do much for me but, the discussion was enlightening. It's always interesting to get a perspective different than your own. Most of those in attendance do the discussion were old and white. Obviously, not from my demographic. Still, valid things were said. Mainly, the concept of a "true self" and how that true self is connected to everything else. Interesting. I must find out more. Also, have become more interested in Yoga and less interested in the commercial aspects of it. I would like to not have to pay for physical and spiritual enlightenment, thank you very much. All in all, I would say the day was quite productive.
After the meeting, I rode over to Lincoln and 19th to meet the Long Lost Twin for her birthday party! It was fun. We decided on 6 different restaurants, finally stopped at one and ate, then we went to Fort Point. Fort Point was quite amazing. I resolve to go there at least once more. I quite liked it. And the Twin liked her presents. I made her a hat with an N sewed onto the front and a little pom-pom. We listened to music and danced and lit incense. Then we went to the Haight and listened to this jazz combo which REALLY made me want to take out my horn. There was this trumpet player there who was high school aged and actually knew the Twin but, he wasn't too great. His horn was pretty though. All black and really shiny. We also painted each other's faces. I got some interesting black and white embellishments to my features, The Twin got a butterfly. On the way home someone told us we were beautiful. It made me smile on the inside. Speaking of the Twin, we also discovered that we are more alike than we thought, again. She and I can both blow spit bubbles, We both have slender, frog-like hands. And a myriad of other things but, Yes. I had quite a fun experience this Sunday. Unfortunately it must come to an end. I have to go to work tomorrow, I think. I'll call in and check to see. But, I think I'll go anyways. I need the money. The more I think about it, The more I'd like to move out. And seeing as how I get 5 weeks off of school for winter break, I can work more frequently to get the extra cash for a down payment somewhere else. Ah, life would be so much better once I only have myself to worry about. I think that life will simply just get better. It's optimistic, I know. But, I feel that change is coming. And I think I'll like it.

listlistlist

It's quite enjoyable to sit down and hammer out a list. I feel that it gives me a sense of order and neatly contains insurmountable tasks in tiny bullet points. I also learn things about myself. In writing out "Qualities that in a potential Lover" I've realized the only thing that is non-negotiable is that he must like me more than I like him. Hm. I didn't know I was so easy to please.
The List of "Things I want to tell people" was particularly enlightening. I want to tell the A.P.g. companion that I'm sorry, I forgive him and to ask him why okay? *sigh* I'll stick to my path but, I'd still like to know. I want to tell the Roommate that she's greedy and selfish and inconsiderate and I'm moving out after January. One of the things that suprised me the most was that I want to tell myself to stop being such a whore and to FOCUS. Hmm. Interesting
Oh, the listing. It goes on and on. From the empowering "Reasons why I'm a valid human being" to the self-deprecating "Reasons why I'm still single". I've learned a lot from those, too. Mainly that I'm not as conceited as I thought I was but, I still have a long way to go to be modest. And that the reasons I see aren't the reasons that are readily accessible to the general public. One thing: I wish I was more aware of what my heart looks like when I wear it on my sleeve. It could be small and black and shaped funny. It could be covered with thorns and fire. It could have grown three sizes that day. I just don't know. Hm. Again.
I'm sitting here in a cafe that I discovered last weekend eating a rather delicious cookie. My Rooommate decided to cook meat in our very poorly ventilated apartment (again, no consideration. Whatsoever) So, I decided to leave and experience a little city life. Tomorrow will be the Long Lost Twin's birthday party. It's Dress-up and I have the perfect hound's-tooth jacket for the occasion. I'm also debating on whether or not I want to attend the Buddhist meeting. Ah, so much interesting activity going on in The City by the Bay.
I go home in 5 days!

Self-Actualization

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, human beings most crave to reach the state of one's true potential. We were talking about this hierarchy in Communications today. It seemed really interesting though potentially flawed. At the bottom of the hierarchy are "baser" needs like food and oxygen. Which of course, I somewhat understand. But, what I don't understand are the other needs.While important, some people believe that to varying degrees companionship, power and success, etc. can be categorized quantitatively. Which I personally don't believe to be true. But, for whatever reason, I totally accept self-actualization as the top of the pyramid. Everything I do in life is to reach my potential. Sadly, most of this potential involves the high regard of someone else. I don't like that I depend on other's thoughts so much. But, it can't be helped, I suppose.
Wow. This blog wasn't planned to turn out like this. I guess it sort of got away from me and turned it an intellectual rant/contemplation. Oh well, I guess I can deal with that. To bring it back to reality, I have to say that I'm quite excited: I got a B on the American Indian studies project I turned in, I had a LOT of fun on Thursday night, It wasn't too uncomfortable being in Comm. with the A.P.g. companion, My mommy sent me a package, and I get to GO HOME on wednesday!!!
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To Do

I wonder what my To Do list says about me. A lot of things, probably. Today is my last day of solitude. The Roommate gets back from her slightly interrupted month of temper tantrum tomorrow. I did a little bit on my list. The problem is that I included long term in with my short term. Now, I'll have to wait for a few weeks until I'm able to cross off everything. Oh, but what a sense of order it will bring! I'm quite excited to finish it. Anyways, it goes as follows:

1. Change/Add Major Form
2. Meeting with Kilgard
3. Meet with GLAM steering committee *
4. Make Change!
5. Clean the apartment
6. Do dishes
7. Practice the trumpet
8. Music Theory Homework
9. Attend AIS field trip....boo
10. Track down Philosophy
11. Make appointment with G.E. Advisors *
12. Build more perfect schedule *
13. Go into detail about each item on list " * "
14. Work out and stretch
15. Tell Jaedon I Can't
16. Regroup
17. Return CB
18. Attend Buddhist Meeting
19. Make Something

I've completed items 5, 6, 7, and 15. I'm working on 19 after this post. I've started everything that I can. It will be wonderful once it's over.

WANT.

This is a picture of some random people's to do lists. I went to this list/book reading at a rather sultry cafe where the editor of a compilation and analysis of lists was holding a release party. It was rather interesting and caused a lot of introspection. With my overly analytical mind, I noticed several things which I shall naturally list for you:

1. I focus on myself a lot

2. Usually this focus is not positive

3. I would like to broaden my perspective

4. I like the sense of order/control that making lists gives me

That's pretty much the tip of a very small iceberg. I'd like to discuss #1 in depth, however.

I focus on what I want a lot. Hence, the title of this blog. I WANT. all the time.

I walk down the street. I see a cute guy. I DESIRE him.

I'm in a store. I see a cool outfit. I COVET it.

I'm thinking about life. I WANT so much.

I want to do, see, experience, have, make

I think what I should focus on is not what I want. But, rather on what is needed. Not necessarily by me, although that is important. I should focus on what the world needs. What my peers need. What is needed for everyone in general. This is a rather abstract view and is strange for me to think about; most likely because of my typically self-centered way of being. I'm in a rather strange mood. Good, kind of. I spent some time enjoying the life of San Francisco and smiling at random strangers. It was wet and my feet were soaking. Somehow, it didn't seem to bother me.

Interesting

I've made it past the 100 post mark. I should think that I'm quite accomplished. It's also interesting that I'm here blogging before school. I simply love the fact that i had to get up at 7 today. Wow. Words that I never thought I would type. But, I really enjoyed the extra hours of sleep. I woke up at 5 this morning and noticed what time it was. Then I went back to SLEEP. yes! I think it's funny that I can appreciate such small things now. It used to be that sleeping in past 10 was cool but, not something to luxuriate over. Now, I'm lucky if I wake up after 8 o'clock. The things you learn about yourself when you become all "grown-up". Now, I'm going to get ready for school. Or actually, I think that I'm going to go to school dressed as I am: Pajamas, Les Miz shirt, and the purple beanie that Mom got me. My "I don't care what I look like" ensemble. T'was carefully crafted. True story.

I can't have it both ways.

But, of course some people do go both ways. I notice that I am happy with nothing to write about. Actually, that is not true. More accurately, I have nothing to write about when I am happy. Notice, last month my inscriptions were proliferous. This month, as happy as it has begun, has begun to cause my musing to dwindle. It's not as though I don't have as many thoughts. Maybe it's just that I think they aren't as worthy? Or that when I am melancholy, my introspeciton yields more fruitful ideas? Hmmm...
I notice at present more than ever the balance in my life. It is so obviously here. I had a happy weekend, a mediocre week beginning and now my week is becoming less than wonderful. I fear that I am going to have to quit LYRIC. It's too much to handle. It makes me feel like I've failed something. Even though I know that logistically what I set out to do was nearly impossible. I fear that I am going back on my word. I have attempted to better my life and sever myself fromt the Attractive Play going companion but, again: Not so sure. I won't talk to him. And it's most likely that he won't talk to me. Moot point. I can't have it both ways.
I want to be happy and lead a successful life. But, for some reason, I find that teenage angst while I can still "enjoy" it is much easier. It's less of a struggle to be melancholy. I suppose it's just the person that I am. I'm finally "Okay", I believe. Okay in the most connotative sense of the word. I'm alright. Fine. Not great. Not bad. Just Okay.

The anniversary of my birth

Here is a picture taken from the bus on the way home from a delicious breakfast. Breakfast wrap with spicy potatoes...quite palatable. Yemmm...

So, after the excursion in the haight, we went thrift shopping. I got a few shirts and such. She got a few outfits, too. It was fun. Tomorrow, she's going to come visit me at school and I'm going to show her around. The reason I'm up so late is because I drank coffee and boba throughout my day. Well...more like I had sips of coffee and boba. I don't know why I'm so susceptible to caffeine. Oh, well. I'm going to start off my week tired as fuck. That's okay. I should probably get to sleep pretty soon. Or actually finish this blog now because it will only be my birthday for another few minutes. Gotta post! hahah

Reuniting with my homeland

So, I was searching for the top floor. I kept looking and looking. Finally, I found an escalator. I was on the phone at the time but, as I hung up, there she was. With my little brother in her arms. There she was! It was a joyous reunion. We caught up on a lot of things while my brother fidgeted. We rode the bus home and walked up the hill of death. She admired my pad and gave me a couple little birthday presents. And now we're sitting and talking and Life is alright.

Fridays are hard

Just draining. Taxing emotionally, physically, and mentally...
Bleh. Unfortunately, this is the only word in my vocabulary to accurately and succinctly describe how I feel in this moment. But, it will get better right? It has to: my Mom is coming up here to visit me for my birthday! If that's not happy news, I don't know what is. I've been using it to cheer myself up today. Most of my experiences today were rather trying. I went to Communications. The class that has my Attractive play going companion. Not too much fun. I'm fairly sure it's not going to stop until I never see him again. As in, I have to wait until next semester until my irrational emotions come under control of my logical mind. Then, Concert Music was canceled. I went to AIS and handed him my paper. I'm worried about my grade in that class. GAHHH! Fucking General Ed.
And Finally, to round out my stressful day my supervisor called me to tell me that he wasn't going to be present for an interview we were supposed to conduct, but to go ahead and do it anyways. So, another intern and I had to fill in for him. It actually went okay but, I'd really rather it have not happened.. Actually, I'd really rather life just be easier. That would be okay with me.
I was listening to a Palestinian woman give a speech today. She had a beautiful accent. She said "Homeland is here.It's sometimes in your heart. You can take it with you"
I firmly believe in this. I think that once I see my mother, I will definitely be able to handle being away from my homeland, if only for a little while longer.

There must be some significance

in the fact that apparently day light saving time ends on my birthday. It might mean the beginning of a new cycle. It might mean that something must change. It might mean that I read WAY too much into things. Mostly, I think I'm going to have to turn a new life. I'm going to be a legal adult. It's going to change so much. I will no longer be a precocious little scamp. It's going to change some things. But, all in all I believe a lot of it will ultimately remain the same. Like today, I went to work, came home, took a nap, went back to work and came home again to write a paper on the Shoshone Indians (incidentally not as much fun as it sounds)
A lot of the same shit happens. I was frustrated today at the bank. I have a lack of sleep thing going on. I'm not sure that I'm going to get an A on this paper even though I think I deserve it. I might get to see my Mom (FUCK YEAH), I collected all the money for Rent but, didn't see my landlord today. My Russian Friend and I didn't hang out. I realized that I'm quite close to Thanksgiving break. Can't wait. Can't wait for something different to happen. Maybe this Sunday will prove to be the dawning of a New Era.

Authority? Hiss....

So, here is a picture of me in my Leopard costume. T'was quite amazing. And I am quite out of it so my post will be brief. Mainly my night was hanging out with one of my friend and going to the castro even though there was supposed to be

NO FUN

and
NO PARTY

hahaha. I love that the government thought they could tell me what to do. I DEFY them. MWAHAH. And now I'm just tired and rambling. So, good night!

And Fate reminds us: Cranberry Tricycle Glass

And by that I mean she is always RANDOM. As all get out, I suppose. So for the past 23 hours I've been in a serious phase of "Fuck my life, Fuck my life, Fuck my life" But, now...I just don't know. I'm not going to be so cliche as to say that it all works out. I think it all just kind of happens. And things keep happening to me and I don't know if I like it or not. I lost my cell phone...But, that will be addressed later in the story. Keep reading! it gets better.
Today, I got my first route officially as walker number #57. Whoo fucking hoo. The A.M. route went okay. Only 5 lates as opposed to 40 on-schedule. PM was a fucking disaster. I wasn't really late or anything, I was just really tired. On the break in between the two (which is supposed to be 4 hours and was only 2.5) I went to school to try and get some advising for Priority registration. I signed up, got food, came back and realized that if I waited i was going to be late for work. Meanwhile, I had been checking my e-mail constantly to see if something good was happening. Anything. And finally it did. My wonderful supervisor found my missing cell phone! Which, of course, is a rather bourgeois thing to be upset about but, honestly my entire means of communication gone is reason enough to be upset. I lost my phone at night when I went to call my Mom. It was like being cut off. The first thought that ran through my mind "Fuck my life, Fuck my life, Fuck my life" and it sort of hadn't stopped until I realized that nothing is really that bad. Or it kind of is. But, I don't really know. And that's enough of my philosophical musing. Oh, in other news I've decided that yes I am going to double Major. Communications looks like a worthwhile prospect and the classes that I've decided to take now can be counted as General Ed. So, I'll ease my way into it. I would like some help on this matter but, I guess I'm a hell of a lot better prepared than last time I did this whole scheduling thing. And look how that turned out. Pretty damn okay. Despite the fact that I am (for lack of a better phrase) Butt-booty ass tired.
Incidentally, I need to be asleep 2 hours ago. So, I guess I'll cut this one short. Halloween is tomorrow! You can expect pictures in the next post...I think.

Borderline Productive

That's how i feel today went. My Long lost twin and I met at Nervous Dog Coffee to do homework where I learned that Sacagawea meets the criteria for a member of import of Shoshone origin, which is perfect because I have to write a paper explaining who she is and how she is important. I'm also less articulate and conscious than I would be due to the fact that I consumed about 16 ounces of espresso, chocolate and banana. It was called the "Rhesus Monkey" and it was delicious.
The Roommate seems to be meeting my expectations of her, having gone off yet again back home to "collect her thoughts". However, my assumptions of her reasons are slightly off: she doesn't particular care for our friends in SLO at the moment, giving her even less reason to go home. Whatever, at least she can make rent on time. Which is something that I have struggled with recently. I'm in the intial stages of cash flow, meaning that next month rent should be gravy. As of now, I've had to depend upon family for most of it. And for groceries. For that, I am very grateful because...well...I'm hungry. But, I digress. She's going home and I get the Apartment to myself for 2 weeks! Now, I must clean and launder and prepare for next week. This will involve locating my California Overnight uniform and doing the Music Theory homework that I have neglected up until now. I would really like to be able to post pictures on this blog but, my cell phone camera is acting up and the pictures that i took at Nervous Dog are not visible. Unacceptable! But, life goes on, I suppose. I turn 18 in exactly one week!

And I sound like a broken record!

I need to shut the hell up. hahah
Other than that wonderful little fucked up-ness,
Life is going. Kind of well, I should think. I gave 3 speeches that day: One for Comm. and Two to high school classes for CUAV (Community United Against Violence). I feel like I accomplished a lot yesterday, despite the fact that I cam home and went to sleep at 5 and didn't wake up until 7am this morning. Actually, it was much needed I believe. Fridays are always draining.
This weekend I would like to do a lot of things: Figure out if I'm going to be able to make rent, possibly buy the last aspect of my costume (hopefully I'll have enough), Grocery shop (notice a theme here?), Do some Music Theory stuff, Kick Ass on a paper for AIS (the most boring class EVER), clean, do some Laundry and possibly go out. In that order, actually. Hah, didn't plan it out like that but I guess subconsciously my mind knows what needs to be done. Now if only my body could follow suit...

Nobody Knows

I think it's funny that for someone who contemplates how he presents himself, I am intensely unaware of what people think of me. The more important question is: Do I care?
And the answer escapes me. Sometimes, with select people, the answer is yes. Other times I think that in presenting myself with an indifferent attitude, I want to be perceived as such. So, I have to say that I am unaware of my place in the world and people's eyes but am forever changing it. For example, Yesterday I gave a speech in Communications class. I had timed myself to be roughly 3 minutes and 45 seconds when the guideline was 4-6 minutes. But, while speaking time seemed to be going by too rapidly and I had to cut out a lot of it, causing me to become flustered and deliver a lackluster conclusion. Nobody but me knew why I was fumbling for words. And nobody else really cared, I think.
My Attractive-play going Companion is in that class. He is a prime example of how very, very ignorant I am of my image. I was talking to other people and doing my best to ignore him. This is what I want, right? No contact. He doesn't know that I am still unsure. He doesn't know that I want him to talk to me or at least care. But, He also doesn't know is that I'd rather not make the connection because I would like to not get hurt for a third time. I don't know, he doesn't know. Nobody knows.

Estoy Trabajando

Todo el dia. Ciertamente.
This morning I woke up at 5. Got to work at 6:30 only to discover that I've been given my own route...kinda. I had to do it with this guy who kind of annoys me but, also kind of reminds me of someone in my family. Weird. It would have been better off if I had done it by myself, it was so small. I only had about 30 packages. But, that's neither here nor there I suppose. It was boring and difficult. At least I'm making money.
Afterwards, I went to the Castro and bought a few add ons for my Leopard Costume. It's going to be quite cool, I believe. Then, I went to LYRIC to help my supervisor with the intern interview process. Then, I went back home for 20 minutes to change and eat. Then I went back and interviewed another intern before going to a Training that lasted 2.5 hours. I finally got home around 7:30ish and I realized: "Damn, I am stressed as fuck"
Had to write a speech for Communications class and prepare some pictures and Evaluation forms for this Speaker's Bureau gig tomorrow. Yet another jam packed friday for me. Of course, academia won't be my only struggle. I'll have to stand in front of a class that includes the Attractive Play going Companion and deliver a speech. Ah well, it's about trumpet playing. Something that I'm fairly confident in my ability to discuss. It's more that I worry about so many things that I have a small measure of control over. My thoughts, fears and emotions...
FUCK.
Just generally, I can go throughout my day and not realize how worried I am about certain things. It's like my brain has a collection of shelves that are always crooked and I keep trying to put things on them that might stay on for a little while but, I keep having to rearrange them...It's articulate, I know, but that's how I feel. Oh well, Today my supervisor told me
that he really appreciates the effort that I'm making to be there every day and that he recognizes what I'm doing. It was really cool. I feel that we don't get acknowledged enough on the whole. As people. So, I think from now on when someone does something, I will acknowledge what they've done. Just to make sure that they don't go unnoticed. It's very demoralizing to go throughout your day and be treated like you haven't done anything. I know for a fact that I did something today. It's nice when someone notices.

Synchronicity and/or Coincidence

I have noticed a lot more instances of this since I've moved to San Francisco. It might be because of the fact that I seem to live/experience/be subjected to life more intensely than I ever did back home. It might also be because of the fact that I'm looking for similarities between things that I'm constantly thinking about and my mundane life. How perfect would it be to have the trivialities join together into something magnificent? Everything happens for a reason. I think the trivialities are a lot like notes in a scale: Use them the right way and create Euphony. That's just my random thought for the day. I would also like to say that I miss home. Very much so. I miss my friends. I miss random people. I see your faces everywhere. It's quite possible that in my currently emotionally vulnerable state I'm attributing a lot more to my experience, but I feel as though human sentiment has finally wormed it's ugly head into my thoughts. At least a little. Agh.
Oh well, I'm going to bed. I get to sleep in until 6 am tomorrow! This pleases me to an extent. The fatigue that I felt this afternoon snuck up on me. It was not pleasant. Nor was it conducive to learning my coworker's PM route. I need to be alert from now on. I've taken to stretching after I wake up. I've also taken to attempting to sleep on my back and do breathing exercises. More on that later once I form an opinion on this practice...

Recapitulation

So, I've had a good weekend, and I just got paid ($230!!!) and I'm sure I did fairly well on my midterm and I'm not terribly exhausted after my longest day of the week. I should be having a good time, right?
I can't help but think about everything. I think about things way too much, you know? I think about how strange it is to think that he doesn't care. It's strange to think about how he could be reading this right now. I don't know how I feel about that, though. Another strange thing: I said I didn't want him to read my blog but, I would be oddly satisfied to know that he did. I'm not sure if all of the things I said to him are true. But, I'm also broadening the scope to think about other strange things because I've become more contemplative and introspective, recently. I give consideration to past relationships, both platonic and romantic, and I think: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being empathetic. To one person in particular: I'm sorry. I didn't know it could hurt this intensely.
I don't know what I want. How pathetic, right? So indecisive. Whatever. I know that I am NOT actively pursuing a relationship. With anyone. As of this turn of events, I am no longer going to waste time and energy on such a volatile endeavor. It's not good for my psychological well being.
But, the band will play on, right? As cliche as it sounds. I think that it's begun in a minor key. The significance of this being that not all minor keys are "sad" (look it up, it's true) I'd like to reach the fanfare eventually. I'll get past the second movement because second movements are always No. 2. haha. And now for some crescendo. Do something. Anything. Just do it differently.

And the band plays on

Hah. The band that plays the soundtrack of my life had reached a caesura, I think. But now, It will slowly begin to play molto lento. At least for the time being. I have a Music Theory midterm tomorrow in case you couldn't tell. I've been studying scales and terms for hours now. It should benefit me, because I believe that I have a B in the class and would like an A. It's the reason I'm attending SFSU, I should at least have a good grade in Music. All in all, I would say that today has been productive. I studied, wrote an outline for speech, revised a philosophy paper (despite my philosphy teachers less than helpful comments) and got a scholarship letter in order. Yes, I should say that it has been fairly productive. Although, I didn't get to go outside today. It was a lovely day, too. Not windy and rainy and tempestuously indecisive like it usually is. I was on the phone with my friend from Nipomo and he was describing to me how warm the wind is back home. I miss the smell of leaves dying. I miss the warm wind and Autumn aura. I would like very much to be at home, if only for a night. I should look into that...The Roommate seems to be going back every other weekend, I should just catch a ride with her. It would be nice to go home and sleep, eat and talk.

I was in need of a good day

and I'm fairly sure that I got it. I went to bed at 9 and woke up around 10:30. Which pretty much doubled the hours of sleep that I've gotten this week. I hung out with my Long Lost Twin. She and I are so very, very similar it's almost scary. We're both black and Mexican, We both lived with our grandmothers, we're both weird. And that's how we like it! haha. But, anyways, We hung out and went to see Thelma Houston at Amoeba records. It was quite strange and very brief but good. She wore a very amusing hat of feathers that I didn't get a picture of, unfortunately. I need to go to more concerts at Amoeba. Two is not enough!
So, after the concert, we went to a lovely little deli where I had vegetarian duck for the first time. It was delicious. And then (and this is the highlight of my day) we happened upon a pile of free clothes! And they were my size!! As funny as it sounds, it seems like Fate was showing me that it's not always going to be bad. It's always going to be RANDOM. And I suppose for now, i'm okay with that. I got free fucking clothes! Pictures will eventually ensue, don't you worry!
After that, we got on the wrong bus to come home and ended up taking the long way home... Haha. It was good though. I have also done some studying for my Music Theory Midterm and done a load of laundry. T'was very productive. Weekends are amazing.

Why, okay?! Why? Okay. Why, Okay!

He's okay with that. I am too. The thing that i'm not okay with is the fact that it happened so spur of the moment. and that he's okay with it. and that I'm okay with it. It was a lot of awkward silence, talking about nothing, and finally deciding after a single response that I never want to see him ever again. He told me "whatever I want"
NO.
not whatever I want. Obviously, I don't always get what I want. And I don't know how to react to that. So, I acted rashly. I'm just depressing and depressed.
But, I realize that I don't really need to be around him if he doesn't want to be around me. I'm just done with it. So, I've resolved to have really awkward Fridays and never speak to him again. I've learned from it but, I really wish I had never met him.

My corporate Identity

Yep. I've been reduced to a number. I'm Walker #57 with California Overnight. It's quite boring and requires a lot of memorization or routes and whatnot. Oh well, at least I'll probably be able to make rent this month. Probably. The introduction of this new aspect of my life requires a lot of thought and scheduling. I need to balance School, This Job, GLAM and the LYRIC internship. In that order. The only problems really are days that they bleed over into each other. Like Monday evenings when LYRIC ends at 7:30 and my philosophy class starts at 7:00. Or friday when my shift with Cal Overnight ends at 10:30 but, my Communications class starts at 9:00. I really hope I don't have to make a decision between one of the four things and another. Oh, and did I mention I'm considering double majoring? Communications is really interesting and opens up a lot more job prospects than just being a Music Major. I'll make that decision next semester, I think. Right now I've got far too much on my plate.

And I keep imagining

What the future will be like. It's kind of murky...I see myself making possibly enough money with these jobs. I see myself possibly being happy. I see myself being more adult. I envision coldness but, it doesn't bother me. Why would I care if I'm jaded?
For some reason, I don't imagine that My attractive Play going companion will be completely out of the picture, which is somewhat alarming. It's so strange to be full of all of my hurt and still think of him. I'm unsure of whether or not to enact these divinatory musings...It would be so much easier to be true to my cruel nature and cut him out. It would be better for me. It would be better for him. I think I should. I don't know. I keep imagining my life and who and what will be part of it. It's best to have foresight in these matters but, why can't I just decide when it comes time? I believe I will.

I hate being right

I hate+ and hate-} and (hate).
It's true, once I started living here my emotions have become more clear. More intense and vivid. Hmmm...
I'm sitting here on a lovely saturday morning and trying (and failing) to learn a sad song on the piano. I just woke up and I feel as though I got too much sleep. But, too much consciousness is just as bad. if not worse. Ha, i'm such a sleep whore.

I shouldn't give my heart to just anyone because you don't know what the fuck they're going to do with it.
She was right.
Beautiful boys who write poetry for me are nothing but trouble.
I was right.
He'll never give me a second glance.
I was right.
Agh,
But enough about that. I'm forbidding myself to writing more blogs about this...okay possibly one more. It is quite therapeutic. So, anyways
I would like very much for my Mom and Little Brother to come visit me (hint, hint *wink*)
And I don't know exactly how my finances are going to work out but, I suppose I'll figure that out when The Roommate returns from her silly escapist tantrum. I start working my other job on Tuesday! Should be fun, right?
It's quite a weird mood that I'm in as of late. Oh well, I can always cheer myself up with...ummm...yeah. I'm in San Francisco, what is there to do on a Saturday?
Oh, and in completely unrelated news, I'm only 17 for another 22 days! 'Tis good for me to overcome the arbitrary barrier. Then i'll be able to buy cigarettes and lottery tickets. My favorite!

What am I going to do?

Cold; Twice.

I don't know what to say anymore. I'm very confused and hurt and not over it. But, I will be. I know he's reading this. And I know he probably will have something to say. But, it's okay because we may or may not speak. With that being said, I'm going to take some of his advice and write him a letter:

Dear Attractive play going Companion,

I know that you don't like me as much as I like you. I wish you did. But, that's not going to make a difference, now is it? I would like to be around you but, I don't think it's going to be that great for my psychological well being. I'm sorry, I'm fucked up. Not gonna Lie. You hurt me a great deal. I hate that I make you feel bad. I hate that this is how it's going to end up. I hate that we're not together. I hate that i'm not attractive enough. I hate that you think you're a conceited bastard. I hate that I hate so many things. I wish you could be the one that ends it entirely but, of course you want to be friends or nothing. I want to be in a relationship or nothing. I suppose the common denominator is nothing. I'm not perfect. I wish you wouldn't say things to be nice. I want something real. I don't know why I unfalteringly like you. I just do. It's complicated but, you don't care. Don't try to make yourself feel bad over this. It's not worth it.

Not-Matt

P.S.
Don't read too much into this. I'm just angry and this isn't how I really feel.

People Just Aren't Like Us.

Probably some of the best advice I've ever received. It holds so much truth for me that I can't stop thinking about it. People just aren't like me.
I would be considerate.
I would be kind.
I would be harsh.
I would tell them how I feel.
I wouldn't know how to ask.
I would fall in love.
I wouldn't disregard.
I wouldn't be nice.
I wouldn't lie.
I wouldn't be cunningly condescending.
My Mother is sagely. Good phone conversations. I'm quite alright.

When it's so bad, It's funny

So, last night was literally the WORST night i've ever had. Well, almost. Sunday night last week was pretty bad. Oddly enough, there were similarities between the two nights...So, I get done with hanging out with The Russian (a friend of mine from Moscow) and instead of riding the bus that he was going to ride to get to SFSU, i assume that the M is working and walk all the way back to Harvey Milk Plaza in the light rain. Luckily, I had my umbrella. So, i'm walking in the rain all the way back to the M only to discover that it's undergoing repairs. I text my roommate to let her know that I'm going to be late because we were supposed to meet up at SFSU. I finally get on a substitute bus thing and make it to West Portal which is about a mile away from SFSU or so. However, there weren't any buses from West Portal to SFSU at that moment so, I decide to walk to school. In the rain. All the while alerting my roommate to the situation. I finally arrive at State after catching a bus halfway there and my roommate is nowhere to be found. As in she's not answering her phone, not answering my text messages. Needless to say, I'm a little upset. So, I finally get a hold of her and she's with some chick and isn't going to give me a ride home. Lovely. I try to call my attractive Play going companion who coincidentally had my warm pair of shoes in his possesion but, he was not available for the exchange of footwear. Wonderful. I walk to the bus stop in front of SFSU (still mildly wet) and encounter a fucking skunk (?!)
It didn't spray me but, still: WTF. On the bus ride home I become more and more infuriated as I think of how inconsiderate my roommate is for knowing that I was walking in the rain and leaving me not out to dry (because that would have been nice) but out to wet, I suppose. I finally get off of the 29 and try to catch the 14 to ride the remaining 12 or so blocks to my house. I wait for about a half an hour. It is now around 12 o clock and I am so fucking pissed, cold and wet it is no longer about me. It is about Fate trying to fuck with me. I catch the 14 but Lo! and Behold! there is a pothole in the road two blocks down and i have to trek the river of Mission, as it were, to get to my house. By this point, I've developed a philosophy:

I can either simply exist within it or simply exist without it.

I'm quite proud of that. It's very applicable to a lot of things. It kept me Zen and calm throughout the entire ordeal even when graced with the Icing on the cake: She locked the door.
So that I had to rifle through my bag in order to get my keys to end this fucking water torture. I burst into the house, headed immediately to the shower, and went to bed. But, not before doing some homework because I have a midterm on Friday. This is turning out to be hilariously fucking tragic. But, i'm already almost over it.

I got a cool tattoo!

and a bracelet. The tattoo says "Crazy" (or so they say) I think i'll tell people that it says "Fire" or something...

Castro St.

So, this is a picture that I took with one of my most pleasing purchases to date: a pink keychain digital camera. It's quite cute and useful even though the pictures it takes aren't too great. I was at the Castro street fair for most of the day. it was a lovely experience despite the fact that I was supposed to be singing with more that 2 people. I love the fact that they showed up, I just wished that we could have at least had an entire choral representation...Oh well, I had fun!

Don't make it a big deal

Don't be so sensitive. I really shouldn't be so defensive. Nobody in particular called me to hang out or do anything. And for some reason, I'm quite bummed out about it. Perhaps I have a chemical imbalance of some sort. I mean, honestly, I know in my heart of hearts that the way that I am acting is RIDICULOUS. But, I can't help it. Hmmmm...I know that I'm crazy. Can I still be called such? I'll be over it soon enough. At least tonight I got to hang out with my Step-mom and Sister. So, really someone did call me to hang out and I should just quit my bitchin'
haha. We had the most delicious crepes at the Squat and Gobble in West Portal. I saved half of mine. ( ^ _ ^) <---This is a graphic representation of me in QWERTY board characters after I've gorged myself on melty, cheesey goodness.
Also, tomorrow I'm going to the Castro Street Fair which I am planning on making a very fun time. Choir in conjuction with a street fair couldn't be too bad. The only problem is that I must wake up tomorrow at 6am. But, that's okay. It will all be worth it in the end. As of right now I feel that my mood can be accurately described as:

Content{SadAnxious.happy?

Like Vines

We intertwined. I have this song stuck in my head right now. It's quite lovely. Another thing I have stuck in my head is Where am I going? What the FUCK is going on? No clue...
Bleh.
This weekend should be fun, though. I've already taken a four hour nap so, I should be up most of the night. Tomorrow, I will probably catch up on the monstrous amount of homework that I must complete. Music theory is not proving to be as effortless as I had initially hoped. But, it is my passion and I will make an effort towards perfection. American Indian studies is also not proving to be as effortless as I hoped. The difference between AIS and Music is that I couldn't care less about American Indian studies. Honestly, I'm doing the work so that I don't have to repeat the course. And it sounded so interesting....
On Sunday, I'm going to be performing at the Castro Street Fair. My choir, GLAM, is showing up to do a few numbers and pretty much get awareness out there. It's going to be a most enjoyable experience.

One more Day

Hmmmm...There seems to be a trend going here. I've had so much happen to me in the past few days that I feel the necessity to blog every day. This is kind of a good thing, I suppose. In most recent news, I have learned that my bank may or may not exist in San Francisco which is most upsetting. Especially, because I will finally have cash to deposit once I turn in my time sheet to Lyric today. It proved very difficult to find, even with an address. Maybe I'll try once again without being distracted. Speaking of distraction, the reason I was in that remote part of town was because my attractive play going companion and I were looking for yet another kind of obscure bank. He needed to deposity money and apparently all of the banks that don't exist in other parts of San Francisco are concentrated in a 5 block radius. We ended up hanging out in a park with a wonderful view. I simply don't know what's going on but, I suppose I will enjoy it. It would behoove me not to fall head over heels for beautiful boys who write me poems. They're nothing but trouble.

Balancing act

So, I still don't know where I stand in my personal life. But, professionally I seem to be looking up. I (finally) recieved a response from California Overnight. Hopefully I'll be able to combine my earnings from the Lyric internship and being a courier on foot to make rent without having to beg my parents for money. That would be great seeing as how I am almost an adult now. Almost. Incidentally, I realized that I have only a month to go until I am "legal". This is quite wondeful yet scary. I'm going to have to be able to juggle by then. Well, actually I think I'll ease myself into juggling aspects of my life as they come. So far, academia and social life have been not without difficulties but, ultimately easy enough. Adding another aspect shouldn't be too hard, right?

Awesome/Terrible Days

And last night was probably the worst that I've had since I've been here. Cold, hungry, lost and Angry. Not a good combination, if I do say so myself. Everything kind of spiraled out of control. I'm not all better now but, I'm working on it. We're friends again. I have no idea how that's going to work out but, I'll kind of go it one day at a time. I really do like him, though....
Whatever. That's enough of that. I'm kind of heartsick but, at least I'm alive and well and warm.
And, I started my Lyric internship! whoo hoo. $10 bucks an hour to make the world a better place. Quite exciting. Also exciting is the fact that I get to sleep in tomorrow and the fact that i didn't have to go to my late night class (which I would still be in, by the way, if she hadn't cancelled it) and also roller coasters. Yep. roller coasters are most excitng.

Disregard that last post

Isn't it funny how you think you know something for sure and it turns out wrong? Funny, funny, funny. Oh well, I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. For some reason, there's this panging hurt in my chest and I wish it would stop. I didn't even really like him that much. It's probably because of the fact that I had to ride the bus home last night for such a long time. Being/feeling lost can do that. Bus fumes can do that. Well, I've learned some things about myself and about life. In my languid depression, I can still analytically assess the situation. I hate feeling powerless. I hate being in this position. I hate being cold. Why is it so cold here? Gahhh

Wonderful Weekend

So, I had a simply amazing weekend. I went to a bonfire with the Queer Alliance (which was unfortunately disbanded by the police) and had a large amount of fun with my friends and sand in my sleeping bag. After getting about 6 hours sleep, I went to see King Lear for free in a beautiful outdoor theater in the East bay. My play viewing companion was a rather attractive young man, so that didn't hurt either. Haha. After the play we hung out and talked and went to Love Fest for about fifteen minutes before deciding that even though it was a cool festival, might be a little to loud for what we later came to consider our first date. All in all, I would say that this has been a rather successful turn of events for the past few days.

I want an mp3 player

Amazing music exists. And because it is such an integral part of my life, I think it's sad that I don't have a portable music device. One reason: I went to this amazing concert with a new friend from San Francisco, and I want to download their music because it will forever remind me of the first time I went to Amoeba Music. They're called Galactic. Hip-Hop, Rap, Funk, Rock goodness.

Their little mini-concert was amazing and leaves to be imagined: what are the actual concerts like? I must find out. But, in the mean time I would like to carry their wonderful sound around in my ears. Dammit. At least my financial aid crisis is almost over. The check is apparently making it's way to my doorstep which I am very pleased about. Which is good because I bought $200 dollars worth of books the other day. Bleh...
Oh, another reason why I would like to have an mp3 player is because occasionally, i would like to tune this wonderful city out. Like on the occasions when for some reason, tweakers decide to get on the same bus that i'm on and sit intolerably close to me and mutter. Or, when on the same bus I sit behind two shrieking hyena-like women who decide to ride the bus for fun, I suppose. t'was not fun.
Now, I believe I shall go listen to......nothing.

..................

There seems to be a lack of response in my life. On more than one level. I would like very much for things to be different, though. If only My professor, My friend, My step-mom or my GSA advisor would reply to me e-mail. It's rather frustrating.
In other news, I cleaned today. I cleaned and did dishes and organized my binder which I recently purchased at Office Depot. Incidentally, I believe I have a mild obsession with school supplies. It might have something to do with a subconcious need for order or something ridiculous like that. There isn't a whole lot of things that need to be done. I kind of just have to wait. Wait to buy books, wait to hear from my professor (or track his ass down), wait for school to start.

Oh, and I did some homework today. Apparently, Descartes had a lot on his mind. Philosophy is somewhat interesting. Cogito ergo sum.

Blogblogblogblogblog

So, I'm blogging. Despite the fact that I don't have any pictures or ways to get them on to my computer.



Life goes on!!



And my ever present struggle for the perfect schedule continues. I've narrowed it down to three options:

Option 1: Go to the downtown center and beg Professor Steers to let me into the class even though we've corresponded via e-mail and she told me that it was very unlikely that I'd be able to switch in.

Option 2: Show up to "Intro to wold affairs" class and ask Professor Monshipouri if I can add his class. The only problem is that Monshipouri may or may not be in Chicago and isn't answering his e-mails...

Option 3: Go to CA 134 to take "Survey of Dance History" even though it's a segment 3 class and wouldn't count unless I'm a junior. Which, I unfortunately am not. I can always petition to have the credits added to my GE later but, petitioning is always a risky business.



So, option two should work out if only Monshipouri would answer my e-mails. It would be most convenient. So, my course of action will be to show up to the dance class and get the add permit number. I am in DESPERATE need of one more unit for my financial aid to work. I need it. NOW. Other than that, I would like to get a job soon. I went to the QYTC which means $25 dollars once I become a youth intern. It's fairly exciting.

As if it were conspiring against me...

The writhing snake of a perfect schedule seems to be eluding my grasp. And not for the first time. It irritates me that I have been given faulty information on more than one occasion. But, despite all of this inadvertent deception, I've finally (after 3 or 4 re-arrangements) gotten my schedule to look like something similar to what I want:

8:10-9:25 Rudiments of Music Theory w/ R. Busan
Units: 3
Monday, Wednesday
10:10-11:00 Class Piano 1 w/ I Morgenstern
Units: 1
Monday, Wednesday
11:10-12:50 Wind Ensemble w/ R. Busan
Units: 1
Monday, Wednesday
12:10-13:00 Critical Thinking w/ I Fitch
Units: 3
Monday, Wednesday, Friday
13:00-14:00 Concert Music w/ G. Degraffenreid
Units: 0
14:00-15:00 American Indian Oral Literature w/ N Barnd
Units: 3
Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Now, the only problems with this is that Wind Ensemble runs into Critical thinking for 40 minutes. In order to solve this problem, I'm considering taking Critical thinking on Monday from 7 to 9:45. I don't know how this will work out. If I contact the teacher, I should be able to. And then, in order to get over 12 units so that my financial aid will work (because goddamn music classes provide insufficient units) I will also take Fundamental Oral Communication on Friday from 9 to 11:55. I noticed this huge gap in my schedule because all of my classes in the morning are only Monday, Wednesday. It would have been quite nice to not have to go to school on friday until 1 but, I can manage. As it is, I only have school (hopefully) Monday, Wednesday, Friday. From 8 or 9 to 3. This is quite nice. The only obstacles I face now are: Contacting the teachers of the classes that in which I am not yet enrolled, and any other inconveniently timed musical requirements (like Orchestra). Everything should work out.

Higher Education, Higher Stress levels

So, I've been making daily trips to the campus. And hourly trips to Mysfsu, the web portal that students use to register for classes. If only I'd known then what I know now. My units may or may not be sufficient for my financial aid. It's ridiculous that music courses are worth less units. I mean, I'm taking 7 classes! It will most likely pan out after the first week of school but, still quite stressful. On top of that, I'm going to try to get a job with LYRIC. And possibly another job. But, in other news, I'm making friends! And just in time for the end of summer. Life continues...

This is what I left behind

These are my friends at my going away party. I felt quite sad to leave. Reminiscing upon it even now is a little emotional. I feel as though that chapter in my life has ended.



Here I am displaying a rainbow tie dye at my going away party. It was quite splendid. The party and the rainbow tie dye, I mean. It was also quite a bit of effort in the capacity that we didn't have a means to travel between the park and home. I'm not going to miss not having a car. But, I am going to miss my Mom and Dad and Sister and Brother and Nana and Friends. Nipomo itself....not so much. It's all about the people I've left behind.

The belly of our beast

So, here's the inside of the pad. Pre-move in of course. This picture was taken on the Saturday before I arrived in San Francisco. In this shot you can see a beautiful view of our stripper pole/support beam. It's quite wonderful.

The City

I have to admit: it's kind of overwhelming...
My Roommate and I have figured out the bus system. I've figured out how my key works. I've learned that everything costs money. Which kinda sucks but, such is the nature of the beast. I keep eating and eating. Every bite has a dollar amount attached to it. I suppose it's inescapable. Other than that, I actually can't wait for school. I can't wait to really get into the swing of things. I'd enjoy giving it a shot. Holding down at least one, possibly two jobs while going to school might be a little bit too much to handle. But, I'll never know until I try, right?

I'm pretty much an adult now...

I've acquired most of the characteristics of a mature human being. This past Sunday, Saturday and Monday, my friend and I went apartment hunting in San francisco. Cuz she's going to be a student at CCSF and we thought we'd room together to save money. So, she had a prospective apartment that turned out to be a little too expensive for us. But, luckily I had a few prospects and we went around interviewing prospective landlords (all of which had accents) and we decided on a lovely man named after Julius Caesar. Our new landlord is a generous man who has definitely given us a chance and an opportunity to acquire experience on the market. Our three days in San Fran were pretty much amazing and stomach tying and nervous and filled with rainbow colored butterflies....heh. So, after much deliberation and hardwork, She's moved in already and I'm going to move in on Sunday. It's quite exciting. this is a picture of our studio apartment (the bottom floor).

Also, of course with all of the stress I couldn't help but, add something else to my fifty million things to do before I leave. On top of procuring, depositing and allocating money, Packing, saying goodbye, inviting people to a going away party, getting my last ride up to San Francisco in order and general preparation for what is to come, I thought "Hey, I might as well get my license, right?" So, I did. And I'm fucking ecstatic about it. Especially because it was a large and rather stressful production. Not having a car sucks though, I had to borrow my GSA advisor/mentor's car. I am forever indebted to her and not just for this one monumental act of kindness. I'm so glad I passed despite not having practiced and not having proof that I took Driver's Ed (even though I did). So, now pretty much all I have to do is go to school and find a job. The next frontier into adulthood can only take place after I move up there. I'm ready for it, though. I feel quite accomplished.

It must be coming to an end...

I find that I'm saying goodbye. My last couple of weeks are going to be filled with them. Goodbyes. I kind of wish that I didn't have to say it. But, it's okay because I'm going to be meeting new friends and having really good experiences. This sunday will be my first foray into living solo in San Francisco. It's quite exciting. The only thing is that I find that I don't have all of the time that I would like to spend time with people that I care about. Mom, Dad, My friends, all people that I would like to hang out with. And, there are things that I need to do that I don't know if I have time for. Like taking my Driver's test. I don't even know if I'll pass it. Or if it will even be necessary... But, I really should take it. Even though I don't have the time. I don't know when I'm coming back from San Fran for my last stay in Nipomo. I don't know when I'll be able to say goodbye for the last time. So many things that I don't know... I'll be sure of it all later, I guess.

and The Best part is: I don't have to take Math!!

I went to San Francisco. But, this time we went on our own terms. With my own money. Which, was kind of a downer as I now only have $1400 in my bank account but, I suppose I'll live. Mom really pulled through with renting a car, and getting me up at 3 in the fucking morning to go.
I was a day tripper/
A one way ticket yeah/
It took me sooooooooo long to find out
but I found out...
How oddly accurate that song is. I really did take a day trip. It really did take me an unnecessarily long time to figure out how to work my whole class registration deal but, I finally found out. I found out a fair number of things. For example,The fact that I passed as many AP classes as I did, in conjunction with being SAT exempt from the ELM/EPT test, makes my life SO much easier. I don't have to take English until my junior year. And I'm exempt from taking a math class entirely. I don't EVER have to do math. EVER. That word is so very beautiful. Now, I urge you. As you are reading this, say the word aloud: EXEMPT. Yes, I like it. I like it alot. My life has now been validated. Let the hoop jumping cease. Dammit.
The other aspects of the trip were also fairly enjoyable. I took mom to chinatown and got some kung fu shoes. The brother wasn't too unbearable although there were some times when punting him seemed to be the only course of action. Mom also took many pictures. Most of which I would have liked to post now but, will try to post later. All in all, I would say that it was a most productive trip.

So close, and yet so far...

I've resolved that from now on, when I go to San Francisco, I shall stay there for more than 10 hours. It was fun driving down there and all but, the whole deal was that I went to essentially pick up someone and then come home. Which, is alright but, today was the day that I was supposed to register for classes. What is the deal? I was literally within 15 minutes of the place where I was supposed to make a life changing series of decisions but, we had to leave because of someone else. And I appreciate the fact that I got to go. Really, I do. But, I rather dislike adhering to other people's schedules. They are nice, though....
*sigh*
The next time will be in about 5 days when I go for orientation to see what I did right/wrong regarding my schedule. Hopefull, I can get everything situated by then. A car, vaccinations, fairly easy to do.
Incidentally, I suppose I was in a bureacratic mood and found that I could stomach endless paper trails, because I've now gained enough experience to drive which means only one thing: the DMV (or as dane cook call's it "Satan's Ass-hole"). Yes, this means that I will be going down to Santa Maria and trying to become more of an adult. Because, I guess that's what I need right now. Too bad I am filled with puerile butterflies.

Huzzah for grog, wenches, and the like

So, instead of sleeping like I should have after reading Harry potter, I decided what the heck, I'll walk to Evie's house and get a ride to SLO to go to the Renaissance Faire! T'was fun. Everything was quite expensive but, I suppose I'll get over it. I did notice several things that I dearly wanted for my very own. One of them being a beautiful mage hat....I'm sad I don't own it, now. But, I digress, the point is that ren faire was amazing. Performers, Demonstrations, period clothing....yep, it's all good. So, then after going to that for a few hours, I then thought I'd continue my day with this party that I had been invited to. Yay for watching alcohol induced teenagers make asses of themselves! Actually, it was rather amusing. It's why I go to such things. hee hee. And I had promised myself that I would not stay past 10. Meaning that I wandered home, tired as fuck, at about 12ish. Heck yess, baby...36 hours on NO SLEEP. Which is kind of a big deal for me: The sleep whore. Yes, I like to sleep. And No, I didn't get to at all yesterday. Technically.

In a strange Harry Potter, Cloak and Cauldron type way

I am in a very strange mood. I suppose that is what you get after you have a day like mine...So, I spent the day at Dad's house (rather comfy as usual) woke up at 12 (so as to offset my circadian rhthym) and decided to start my journey and get the ball rolling. It saddens me that I don't get to hang out with dad more often....Anyways, I walked to St. Joes High school's bus stop and waited for the SMAT bus. Which took me to a second bus stop at the mall. From there, I traversed to Nipomo for a brief instant and then on the way to SLO all in all this took me about 3 hours...unnecessary, I know but, I was (and am) a man on a mission. I disembarked the bus and From there I changed into the pre packaged Harry Potter get up for which I can thank my sister. I just want to put this out there: Cloaks are simply MAGNIFICENT. I believe that socially acceptable opportunities are wonderful but, not necessary. Go on. Try a Cloak, Today! Oh, I forgot to mention. This whole excursion was because I had pre arranged to meet with friends for the final Harry Potter book release. The impetus was the Deathly Hallows, I tell you. So, anyways, met with friends after wandering the streets of San Luis cloaked and scarved and whatnot. T'was fun. Then we simply existed amongst the Harry Potter nerds. It was a transcendentally nerdy experience. What with expressing my opinion of cloaks at every opportunity and shouting WEASLEY! every time I saw a redhead, I pretty much had a loud, foolishly good time. After buying the $20 dollar book, we immediately left to our respective houses to (of course) get a good nights sleep and start reading the book after being well rested......right?...at least I think that was the plan. I, on the other hand, having been tricked into consuming (and paying for) loathsome starbucks coffee decided to read the book in one sitting. Honestly, why don't starbucks inside of book stores take starbucks gift cards? Side note, but, still. I figure if I pay with a gift card that I randomly have instead of actually giving them legal tender, I am somehow contributing less to the evil corporation. DEVIATION FROM THE STORY. So, yeah I then read the book in no less that 7 hours and enjoyed every minute of it. I chortled at the humorous bits and cursed at the bits where people died. Of which there were a lot (Morbid much, J.k?). Now, I am sitting here typing this after having just gone to the store for some milk because we were out. Kyoto style on a bike. It's quite interesting and life affirming to have read such a prodigious book and then ride your bike out in the sunlight.

It makes the world go 'round, I suppose

Why can't I have more of it? At least enough to live comfortably...The strangest thing is that it's like walking uphill: It's hard to get up, but impossibly easy to spiral your way down. For example, I've earned enough money for a down payment on a room So, I can set up home base and look for work while I go to school. But, I've already lost $40 dollars because of an error with the bank. It irritates me that my hard earned money can just fall through a hole in cyberspace. Perhaps its because of the date: I "withdrew" $40 dollars on Friday the 13th. And now I can't even heal this financial wound because it's been found that I am no longer necessary at work. "Laid off' is the term. Oh, well. At least now I can finally enjoy my summer without having to go to work everyday. It was necessary while it lasted but, now, I guess I can just take things as they come. I made money. I'll live life.

I left my heart....well....you know where

So, the city was amazing. It's so scary/intimidating/awesome that I'm going to live there in about a month. I'm hoping that everything works out. The events that took place made this weekend one of the best ones that I've ever had. Although, lately my weekends have been stellar. So, this one was following the pleasurable trend of AWESOME weekends. I went to Chinatown and drank Boba for the first time, which was interesting...And then came the night life: La Cenerentola, the opera that I went to see, was of the best caliber of performance that I have ever seen. Matthew Moore, who played Alidoro, has a magnificent voice on top of being a friendly person. We had dinner with him at Le Central. Which was interesting because it was Bastille day on Saturday. hee hee. I particularly enjoyed the fact that despite the inital plan of going for two days and one night, I ended up staying an additional day and night and hanging out with my boss' son (a very cool guy) for a little while longer. My whole experience was essentially soaking in all of the SF energy and practicing my "city-skills" which I believe could stand to be honed...but, I digress. Learning about, existing in, and simply exeriencing San Francisco was pretty much one of the best experiences I've ever had.

It should be called The Order of The AWESOME

Yes.

I have voted yes on this

<----

Good times. The acting was amazingly awesome. My favorites were Luna Lovegood and Bellatrix Lestrange. Although, Dolores Umbridge was satisfyingly disgusting. The score was better than average, although when anyone is given something written by John Williams, they have to try REALLY hard to mess it up. The effects were amazing. The fight between Albus (Percival Wulfric Brian) Dumbledore and Voldermort (Tom Marvolo Riddle) was pretty much one of the most hardcore orgasmically delicious fights I've ever seen. Definitely up there.

Incidentally, the fight scenes combined with the acting combined with the score and the effects.....Amazing.

Although they left out a lot of things in the book, who can expect them to have a ten hour movie? Despite how much I would enjoy it. I think they did a good enough job staying relatively true to the movie. One thing that bothers me more than anything: costumes. When I'm watching a movie about wizardry, I'm not all that concerned with fashionable english clothing...I'd like to see some robes. Yes, they're not all that flattering but, dammit the people in the movie are attractive enough. The hairstyles are rather trendy as well which will only further serve to date the movie even more. But, that's okay because it was still freaking amazing yes.

Luna Lovegood

Thestrals

Dolores Jane Umbridge

Grawp

Seamus Finnigan

Patronus

Yes.

Seriously,

GO see it.

Estoy Orgulloso de ser Homosexual

Well, not really proud. But, glad I suppose. I had a really good time at the San Luis Obispo Gay Pride in the Plaza. My wonderful GSA Advisor took me to SLO to witness the festivities. We ended up hanging out at the beginning and end of everything. I also went with her and some other way awesome NHS Alumni to the school nurse's house for chocolate mousse (sp?). It sounds like a stretch but, really it was fun. Between the arrival and the mousse, I spent most of the time flitting around to hang out with my mom and little brother (who were there having a gay old time) and my other favorite people. Random kids from youth group, the aforementioned Alumni, just lots of people whom I wish to be kept around. I vote yes on all of them. In this picture, you can see me doing one of the many enjoyable activities to be undertaken at a gay pride gathering: hooping! That's right, my friends, wonderful rainbows fabulously swirling around me. Can you imagine? haha. It looks very much like I am having a lot of fun. Which is an interesting coincidence because, of course, I WAS. I plan on keeping this fun thing continuously going.

Leftist Lunch, Populist Potluck, Freedom Frolic, Anti-Bush Bash, Non-Republican Num-nums

The Progressive club/gsa meeting was quite diverting. I vote yes on it. Seeing all of the Alumni was especially so. Ian and David remind me that we are all going away. Which is sad, but very, very happy. Also, discussing with Ian, Ryan, and Rachel (as you can see in this picture) the finer points of nerdy books that we all have read. It was oh so much fun. Kind of like the social aspect of school...but, without the whole school part. Very much fun. And the food was great. We ate beans and rice (courtesy of my grandmother), assorted goods from trader joes, cherries, mango lemonade, pasta salad, and a delicious garbanzo bean, swiss cheese, and pineapple casserole provided by my wonderful GSA advisor. Everything was rather delicious. After eating, Rachel, Ryan and I watched the rest of them play frisbee while my mother and GSA advisor discussed interesting topics...i assume. Then, we all sat down and talked about Progressive issues, political movements, our favorite movies, etc. Some people left, including mom, which was sad but, the party kept going strong. I spoke with Ryan for about an hour, just talking. It was nice. We had to keep moving further away from the trees of our picnic site because their shadows would get longer and longer which put us in the shade. The only thing that kept it from being an absolutely perfect outing was the cold. It's summer: what's the deal here? But, as it stands, it was definitely a pleasant saturday to remember.