Good times

After some parties with friends (including some questionable times that I will describe in slightly more detail) and a comfy, cozy sunday. I can say this: I'm good. I went for a run today for the first time in a while. It feels good to be healthy. Also had a fairly okay rehearsal with the organ guy. Good to be working on that too. Okay, now the questionable stuff. Although, it's not so much questionable as it was good to realize some things. Most important: I am super, super, very much waaaaaaaay worth more than being the one on the side. Jungs! Reißt euch zusammen. It's cute that you want to figure yourself out or whatever. I'm flattered that you find me attractive, even if your girlfriend is in the vicinity. But I am, simply put, so much better than that. Been there, done that whole high-school game. I deserve better. It begs the question though: am I not being specific enough with my inquiries to the Universe? I'm getting kind of almost exactly what I'm asking for. Almost. Going to work on that request, like so many other things in my life. Working in a better direction. Listen Here, Powers that Be!

Reminiscing forward

Have been reading my blog/diary...just generally looking at the ripples I've put into this big pond. I have had a pretty good life. Beautiful friends, good family memories. Worked through hard things (still doing that) and have reached a fairly good place.

This new positive/negative dialectic in my life is really applicable in this place, too. I look back and think about all the mostly good things and think about how I am really looking forward to making more of those memories in the future.

It's unbelievable how far I've come and how different my life is from 7 or 8 months ago...so much change!

Speaking of which, I applied for two jobs today. This is also the last week before school starts up again. So ready for it : )

Something good is going to happen. I can feel it!

Is/Isn't

Just got back from Amsterdam...it was a well needed pause in my current lifestyle of "gogogogo studystudy do everything ever".

My experiences there were pretty life changing. Good food (Indisches Voedsel, Fries with patay sauce YUMMM), good friends...it was very cold.

One of the many things I learned on this trip was that things hold the potential to be both positive and negative. Everything that exists, simply is. And it's up to me to interpret what's going on. Everything is good/bad and worthy/unworthy. Always too much but never enough.

I have realized it's possible to take get enjoyment (or at least something!) out of every experience.

I feel like this was a very big step for me. I'm excited to see what will happen.

Poem

I've wanted to start memorizing poetry...I think this one is a good one:


This Moment Yearning and Thoughtful

This moment yearning and thoughtful sitting alone,
It seems to me there are other men in other lands yearning and thoughtful,
It seems to me I can look over and behold them in Germany, Italy,
France, Spain,
Or far, far away, in China, or in Russia or India -talking other dialects,
And it seems to me if I could know those men I should become
attached to them as I do to men in my own lands,
O I know we should be brethren and lovers,
I know I should be happy with them.


Very relevant to my life. Way to go, Walt Whitman.

Slightly related: I've decided that I'm going to work towards a general well-being. My efforts have shown that I make progress when I put my mind to it (I've definitely surpassed my goals for languages/trumpet/working out this break) So, I think that if I strive for overall positivity, I should at least move towards a better direction : )