As long as I improve.

I hope that by the time comes to test my skills, I will be sufficient. I'm working as hard as I can to be ready. But if I continue to improve, there is nothing else that can be done or said. I'm still working on the recordings for the Bar Harbor and Menlo Park auditions. They're due Feb. 1st. I can do this. I know I can. 

Presently, I am drinking tea because I may or may not be getting sick. I won't talk about that anymore, lest it come true. I just practiced a lot and while I was doing so, totally forgot that it was thursday and that I had to be at church choir rehearsal. It's kinda sad because they're such nice church people, they called me after it was over. I hope it's still okay that I'm going to record there tomorrow...Oh well, I'll make it to the rehearsal before the service (eep!) on Sunday. And next rehearsal. Yep, I guess I'm a good church-going boy now. 

So i've been sitting here on my computer for the last day or so. Doing nothing.

 http://www.stumbleupon.com/discover/activity/ and www.facebook.com and http://ch131.com/

have become my temporary best friends. I managed to stumbleupon a few videos done by the folks at postsecret. They ask: If you could wake up anywhere you want, without limits, where would it be?

hm.

I thought that might have some significance but, ignored it and continued engaging in meaningless data consumption. And almost immediately I happened upon this blog post by Keri Smith (whom i vascillate between judging harshly and thinking of fondly)

http://www.kerismith.com/blog/archives/000521.html

the post outlines things you can do rather than shop. For me, the last item

10. write about the best gifts you've ever received. 

did little more than make me remember things that I have received and am apparently ungrateful for, as I can only call them "the best" by default. So, here I am. Laying in bed after the last day I've had before I have to go to work tomorrow, thinking: If I could wake up tomorrow anywhere in the world, it would probably be somewhere to be thankful for. Somewhere probably alone from everything and everyone. Preferably warm  and  sunny where I had no obligations, or future, or "need" for all of this. 

Somewhere fun.

Summer, already?!

Apparently, I'm behind. I've been frantically trying to learn excerpts, find a recording space, borrow a piccolo trumpet, and coordinate applications all for the opportunity to attend a summer program where I will gain valuable, marketable musicality. That's exciting and I want to do it. However, I don't think I'm as prepared as I probably should be. I mean, Music Academy of the West is really competitive. But, then I suppose they all are. I'm also applying to Aspen Music Festival, Brass at Menlo, Atlantic Brass Seminar and the Bar Harbor Brass week. Thankfully the last three applications aren't due for a little while. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of waiting for Aspen or MAOW. So, that's what I'm doing today. Tracking the loose ends, making things happen. I want this and I'm going to get it. 

These last 52 weeks

Were, to be completely honest, very difficult for me. 

Here's to hoping that 2010 is ridden with ease and grace and fun. I like those things.

I'm going to say that this year made me stronger and ultimately more capable. But, it wasn't without a struggle. Or not so much a struggle as a bitter ass-kicking. Anyways, I don't have much to say about 2009 other than that it was hard and a lot of things happened. I mean, it was a whole year. Incidentally there were 3 Friday the 13ths in it. That, I think, counts for something. I look at my list of goals that I set out to accomplish and find that not all of them have lines through them. Oh well, there's still 6 hours left. Who knows? 

Peace to everyone

: ]

And....Stop.

I have all of this free time now. My last final was yesterday and after I took it I found out that all I needed to pass class was basically to write my name on a blue book and hand it in. I've been pseudo-breaking up until this point because of that one looming obligation but now I can reeeeelax. in full. I went out on Thursday (gasp!) I slept in almost every day this week (shock and awe!) and generally find life pleasant, currently (Aieeee!)

It's true.  

Hello, Depression

I've been expecting you. 

There's a reason they call this dead week, folks. My life HUUURRRTTTSSSS right now. Wah, wah, wah. Whine, grovel, moannnnn. I hate everything. Even puppies. 

So, yeah. that's that. Just spent hours studying for a test on which I'm going to do poorly. Not doing assignments that are due. I don't think I can handle this but that's okay. Everything is going to be fine. I'm going to pass all of my classes. And even if I don't, that's okay. 

Shhhh, inner voice, Shhhh

I'm alright. Or not, but I will be. 

Did I have fun?

Yep.

Will I have fun?

Yep.

Am I having fun now? Well.....that's going to be a resounding NOPE.

School is almost over. I've essentially given up at everything. I doubt I'm going to retain my job, I'm not going to get an A in that unreasonable history class. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that winter break will be eventful. And mostly eventful in a good way, hopefully. 

So, that's about it as of now. I'm thinking of maybe considering the possibility of contemplating quitting school. It's that bad lately. No motivation and stuff. Oh well.

Oh, and I have a mohawk now. win?