I'm here

I'm poor, black, I may even be ugly; but dear God, I'm Here! I'm Here!

And that's my name. Less than a month and I'm already getting paid to sing in churches. Sweeeeet. Leading sectionals, being in choirs, Orchestra audition in a couple of weeks. Music is still alive, everyone.

I hit the ground running, it would seem. It might have something to do with the constant gnawing away at my belly (whatamigonnadowhatamigonnadowhatamigonnado)

but I guess fear is as good a motivator as any. I'm looking for opportunities.

1.5

So, the german grading system is funky. it is as follows

• 1 (sehr gut, very good) is the best possible grade and is given for outstanding performance
• 2 (gut, good) is the next-highest and is given for performance that meets the standard completely and is above-average
• 3 (befriedigend, satisfactory) indicates "average" performance.
• 4 (ausreichend, sufficient) is the lowest passing grade and is given if the standard has been met but with a number of notable errors.
• 5 (mangelhaft, deficient) is the higher of two failing grades and is given if the standard has not been met but the basics have been understood.
• 6 (ungenügend, insufficient) is the lowest possible grade and is given if the standard has not been met and the basics have not been understood

It basically means that 1 is better than an A and 2 is kind of a B+ ish...and I got a 1.5 in my german course. That means I get to take the next level and I get an A on my transcript. BOOYA. Also, I've been singing in one of the large choirs and the director seems to have taken a liking to me. He invited me to sing in the chamber choir, a 6 piece group and apparently I'm going to be a Bass section leader? He kinda just surprised me with that last bit but, I've been (super healthily) craving the positive regard of others. Oh well, it's nice when it comes. It's nice when I think that I'm good at something and other people do, too.

Trouble in Paradise

So...I fear that I'm leaving the honeymoon stage. It was bound to happen some time...People are beginning to upset me. My American acquaintances seem to be under the impression that it's okay to hang out all day, err' day and speak nothing but English. If I wanted to make friends in California, I would have stayed in California. And then, when I decide to let my guard down and actually try to cultivate a friendship, it's met with "eh..."

Story of my life.

not so much into the vulnerability thing right now. It's most upsetting to me that in my interactions with seemingly everyone right now, there has to be some sort of front, guard, Grenze....stupid.

I'm in Germany

Yes. That is currently happening. I live in Europe. I'm going to school in Europe. I buy my groceries in Europe. Everything I do right now is in Europe. Because that's where I am. As in, not the country where I was born, spent 21 years of my life, went to high school and such....yeah.

It's weird.

I knew I would adapt to it fine. Everything is going smoothly, except the one thing that I had problems with: GERMAN. as in the language. The one that I can kind of speak. only kind of. After wounding my pride by taking an entrance exam, it was discovered that I am in the "Mittelstufe" or intermediate group. According to the Common European Framework of References for Langauges

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_European_Framework_of_Reference_for_Languages

I am of B1 proficiency. Which is all well and good to be understood at parties and in bars and such when you're speaking to friendly German people who are willing to overlook forgetting the genders of nouns and not declining your adjectives properly....but it's completely another thing when your strict German teacher expects you to remember to ALWAYS put the verb in the right place. buhhhhhh it's hard. And my goal is to be C1 by the end of the year...I have literally hundreds of hours of studying to do.

So, that's that. I'm taking a preparatory language course. Real school starts in October, I joined a choir (^^) and everything is expensive. Hopefully the Euro gets weaker or I find a job or something. It would be nice to get to travel and such....There's a low boil anxiety of "whatamigonnadowhatamigonnadowhatamigonnado" after this year but whatevs. I've been combating that by obsessive compulsively making lists and eating many, many pastries. Such is life.

It was never going to be easy

*sigh*

so, i'm in Germany. It's amazing. Berlin is a lot of fun and there's so much delicious food here. Good times....

However, all that comes crashing down when I get an email from the financial aid folks saying my deposit is set to be made...at half of the amount that I thought it was going to be. Great.

Oh well, that just means I will have to worry about money, even though I thought I wouldn't. Moving across the world and studying in a language in which I am not completely fluent wasn't enough, I guess.

Oh well. I'll make it work. I'm smart and resourceful. Already researching scholarships/applications for Graduate school.

Test run

Because I'm neurotic and I can't stand surprises. I went to the airport today with my carry-on to MAKE SURE that it would fit. I also asked questions about my itinerary, which was good because the very helpful attendant gave me a confirmation number that wasn't on the printout that I had. I knew it looked different than the last time I flew...And now I can just show up (early) and get to the plane without stressing myself out. Perfect.

I have 11 days left before I fly to Germany. Thursday, I'm ridesharing back to SLO for the very last time for a while. Saturday, I'll need to figure out because greyhound doesn't sell online tickets for that schedule which is super convenient...I'll probably just buy the refundable greyhound ticket and try to find a rideshare for saturday evening. Making it happen!

My last First

I have 24 days left until my last day at work. Then it will really be me who is in "transitions"...haha. It's not like I haven't been transitioning all this time. I moved into my new room today. That was fun...the guy who was living here before finally decided to move out. I think the juxtaposition of how chill my landlord is to how pedantic I have to be is interesting. Welp, regardless i'm in my new room now and it's very nice. I have 26 more days until I go to Europe and it's really sinking in. The few days I will be here will be spent working and saving, punctuated by fun, relaxing days with friends : ]