all hallow's eve

not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Nah, it's okay. I'm here in my room. I could have gone out with my roommate (really ein Toller Kerl) but instead I stayed home.

I feel weird and my chest hurts. Also, I miss my friends. It seemed like not so long ago that I was Rufio and we were AWESOME.

buh.

It's taking a lot more effort than I realized it would. I had a presentation today, which was interesting. I thought it would be a good idea to go first, even though I only had 6 days to prepare. I got through it, even though it was a bit short. Afterwards, I carried my trumpet (the primary visual/aural aid) back to my house and social(?)ized with the Roomie.

Tonight's gonna be a good, good niiiiiight.

I really should get this chest thing looked into.

Happy-ness

I've been stumbling (despite my efforts to stay off of the computer) upon websites that provide insights on being happy. "Seven steps to Happiness" or " 5 ways you could be happier" or something or other. These sites seem to only remind me that there's something missing. Or rather, they give a specific example of something that could be better in my life. hmmm...

went out last night. That was a situation. My roommate is an interesting, awkward social experiment. Trapped in the closet, worried about what others think of him, painfully aware of cultural misunderstandings. I see a lot of myself in him. We mean well, I guess.

I didn't get into Orchestra. Surprise, surprise. Oh well, I guess I'll have to do something else to silence that obnoxious voice in my head shrieking "You brought that bullshit for nothing. It was heavy!"

I made a stir-fry today. Getting better at cooking is good. I need to go eat that, and then work on a presentation that I have for my German class tomorrow.

I feel old sometimes

Too old to be running around like I do. Which is funny because I'm only TWENTY-ONE years old. Although my birthday is in 8 days. Rundown of the week:

Went to Frankfurt, then Heidelberg, then France (!) and sang in a Church

Had the first of a succession of "WHAT THE FUCK I'M NOT SMART ENOUGH FOR THIS" moments in my Einführung in die Kulturwissenschaft class. Only the vaguest of clues what my teacher was talking about.

Spoke with Frau Brosius, head of the Master's Dept. of Transcultural Studies about my project with the DAI. Felt extremely dumb and unprepared.

Had dinner with an American friend who, I'll admit, is amusing in small doses

Went to the Gym

Spoke to the DAI folks about what I might want to do maybe. Possibly.

Had an "eh" audition. It might work. I sounded good in the practice room, at least.

Went to Choir rehearsal.

And now I'm home. Peaks and Valleys. I feel really smart in some of my classes (which is comfortable and I like) and very, very dumb in others (which I hate beyond all reason)

You win some, you lose some.

Creatures

So, so hot in here feels like a jungle, yeahhhh

I wish. It's super cold and I'm definitely (NOT) getting sick. All that aside, I've been visited by all forms of wildlife

Like this kleiner Marienkäfer. Apparently they are lucky here so...that's a good thing. I also encountered this little guy outside..

I didn't even realize Germany had hedgehogs but...that's a thing, I guess.

Today was my first day of a couple of classes that hadn't started yet. I'm into it, even though I was really tired from last night. I still feel like I'm "playing school". Classes don't meet more than once a week which I find to be a little alarming. False sense of security...hoo-boy. I'm still learning and enjoying myself, though : ]

Cultural expectation

Class today. Didn't actually speak to any Germans but I did meet a pair of lovely English girls. Aaaand here I am. It's 8:38 and I'm strongly considering going to bed because I have nothing else better to do. Did my homework, practiced and read a little bit. I'm going to the gym for the first time in a loooong time tomorrow. Also, choir where I will definitely try to be more friendly than I usually am.

My roommates mom is here fussing around all of his stuff. It made me wish my mom could do that, too. Oh well..such is the life of someone who lives a babillion miles away from everything.

Also, I'm ready to be fluent in this goddamn language already. Not communicating with people as well as I would like to is starting to be frustrating.

I hit the ground running. Why is everything taking so long?

Frriieennddsss

You know what? I want friends. Really real authentic, German friends. Thus far I've made some acquaintances with americans, made a couple of nods to the other Austauschstudenten and met my roommate but I think tomorrow I shall actually go to class and go out of my way to strike up a conversation. IN GERMAN.

it's funny how much this whole language thing back home can inhibit your personality. I find myself struggling to express myself, something that came so easily before. Oh well practice, practice, practice.

Speaking of practice, I'm still doing that. For some reason, there's a church in my dorm and the acoustic is pretty good. Also, I'm getting better at singing which is cool. Tomorrow begins the next week of classes, to which I'm looking forward. I have a meeting with a pretty important university guy tomorrow. Yes. Good things.

But most of all, friends. I spent Saturday night at home by myself. What up wit dat?

Stuff to work on

For some reason I felt the need to post one of those "Uplifting and happy" blogs that I sometimes do. I feel.....strange. Today I had a really good day, I went to the a Flohmarkt and got a pencil holder for 50 cents and then I went to the castle, and had delicious thai food. All in all, great. Then why do I feel less than spectacular? Just a little...blah. I dunno. Oh well, I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to. So that's that. I was stumbling on the interwebs and came across the phrase

"your outlook on life is directly related to how much you like yourself"

I like myself pretty much. There's always a couple of things that I could work on but overall, I would say I'm an okay guy. Generally. Right? Then I guess it makes sense that everything isn't exactly sunshine and rainbows and unicorn farts and giggles. But pretty much okay. With stuff to work on...