because that's what crazies do!
Gods and little fishes, I don't know what I'm doing right now but, it seems like something is afoot. I just don't know what, yet.
Today all I did was go to work, come home, treat my friends and roommates horribly for reasons beyond my knowledge and then turn into my usual reclusive self. Hiding away for hours on end, staring at a computer screen that prevents me from interacting with real people. Fear of rejection and failure and not nice things are behind this, I think. I want to Sing. I want to scream and run around naked, playing nothing that makes sense on the trumpet. I want to be a better writer so that this shit doesn't sound like the prattling of a mindless teenage girl when I come back to read it later. Only to make fun of myself. I wish I was doing something useful with my life. I wish that Special Friend would understand and leave me alone. I wish that my roommates would just leave for days. I wish my friends would come back. I wish that I didn't have to go to work. I'm not sure if I hate my life and I'm not sure why I even mention that. If it weren't for my positively numb outlook on life, I'd be crying and fucked up every day. Then again, what's wrong with me? Not a damn thing.
I have such Doubts...
3 comments:
i lollered
nekkers!
heh heh
well if ya are crazy, you came by it honestly
(hereditarily)
i hear you, though
i don't like visitors unless i can pick them out....
and even then, i'd only pick a very few.
I admire your introspection and self-awareness. You may be crazy, but how do you account for all the crazy people who love you? You are some kinda cool crazy guy. The secret is this: if you suspect you are a little crazy, chose a career path which will accommodate and even embrace your particular brand of moodiness, scatter-brained-ness, etc. (It worked for me; no one expects a mathematician or an artist to be completely normal.) Who wants a normal boring ol' trumpet player? So, see: you're already on your way.
Post a Comment