I've been sitting here in my Dad's house in Orcutt, trying to get some motivation to do something other than eat. I'm here for another week and I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I've reached a sort of impasse: I don't want to go back to SF and I don't want to stay here. I suppose I should either make a third option or be alright with what's currently happening. That seems to be my course of action as of late. I don't hate my life because it's mine and I'm living it. Still, am I doing anything to change what I don't like about it? Am I, by accepting my life as it is, further perpetuating the unpleasant? If I'm okay with being single, with not practicing or working out, with being poor, am I setting myself up? I guess that little voice in my head that says "what if it doesn't happen? What if I try and fail?" is the only thing keeping me from truly wanting to change those things. Gods, I'm neurotic.
Hm. Just breathe. Be. Breathe.
1 comment:
Ok now you're just plagiarizing my journal from 28 years ago. I mean, being 19 and being neurotic is redundant.
Now I'm 47 years old, and this year I've come to realize that the decisions I made, and failed to make, when I was in my late teens and early twenties have affected my entire life. Most of those decisions were made and not made out of fear, mostly fear of failure. And Life is very unforgiving.
At 19, you can afford to fail, but you CANNOT afford not to have tried. The opportunities you have now won't come to you later in life. Get a plan and do it now.
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