No No No

I want to be able to do this all by myself.

It's taken me a little while to realize this but, I've become addicted to being independent. Being on my own since 17 bred a fierce need in me to get shit done without anyone else's approval or assistance.

That being said, it hurts when I ask and don't receive. Well not so much "ask" as put in a request in the form of hard work that doesn't pay off. Why did I ever think that putting myself in the position to be rejected would be comfortable? or easy?

I hate applying for scholarships. I'm getting sick and tired of working for hours and putting myself (on paper) out there only to have nameless, faceless (presumably white, heterosexual, males) give me a thumbs down.

I hate being rejected. In any capacity. I hate making myself vulnerable. I hate being right.

So, I still need thousands of dollars. I don't know what to do...