Saturday, Saturday, Saturday

It's here and I was in desperate need of it. Went to sleep yesterday at 7ish and woke up today at 9ish. The sleep-whore in me sighs with contentment. So far I've done nothing but start to read the Golden Compass (again), run out of milk while eating the entirety of my stock of coookies, and go to the Grocery store to get some laundry detergent and tooth floss. Sounds exciting, huh? Now, I'm going to work out to make up for said consumption of cookie stock and possibly do my homework for Music Theory in preparation for my study session tomorrow. I like weekends very, very much. Not too exciting but, at least I don't have to wake up if I don't feel like it.
I go home in 6 days!! Wow. Christmas shopping needs to happen fairly soon.
Bah humbug. = ]

Done?

I can't believe that the semester is almost finished. It seems just yesterday I was learning peoples' names...oh wait that was yesterday. College is weird...But, I digress. I'm quite sad that I'll never see a few people again. Damn the stastic impossibility of getting any of them in my classes! There are also a few people I'm glad that I'm never going to see again. Ha! This will be my last post about him. EVER....most likely. I deleted him from my phone and from Facebook. It was rather anti-climactic. I was going to talk to him but, then lost sight of him as we were leaving for State. At this point, I gave up on the whole thing in my mind. My reasoning is: what could be said? I know how I feel. And this is the only thing I can really be sure of. So, I shall rejoice. Never again.
This weekend I'll do some laundry and study for my Theory final and practice for my piano final...maybe. It's bad but, I have at least a B in that class without doing the final. Do I really want to put in all that extra effort? I guess...With the end of the year looming upon the horizon, I find that I have more important things to consider. Perfect example: Where am I going to live after our lease is up? The good(?) part is that I'm working full time from january 2nd to the 24th. Unpleasant but, financially prudent. That's what I seem to be aiming for these days. I only get 5 days home with my family. But, it's happening in one week! I simply can't wait. And now, I must go back to sleep. I only slept last night for about 3 hours. The club was quite entertaining but school the next day was not. If ever I've had an exhausting friday, this was it. Even though I only technically had one class. I woke up at 7, Decided that the outfit I had planned wasn't that great, Went to Communications, didn't talk to the A.P.G. companion, Turned in my AIS final and decided not to go to a party that I'd been invited to because I'm so damn tired. All in the day of the life.

My faith in humanity is restored

oh, how fickle I am. One little incident reconciled and I'm back on the homo-sapien bandwagon. Although, it is really uplifting to find my wallet again. Having lost it brought out a hopeless despair that I'd like to keep on the back burner from now on. Honestly though, how funny it is that with this one isolated circumstance I've grown slightly less disgusted by humanity. I certainly love whoever returned it. If, by some odd chance you're reading this, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
But, i digress. There is also to consider the supernatural aspect of it all. Prayer apparently goes a long way. I was contemplating this resurgence of faith in humankind and thought "Perhaps I'm not giving credit where credit is due..." There have been a fair few coincidences lately. And I do recognize that things happen for reasons, supernatural or scientific. Hmmmm...Well, whatever the case may be I am intensely grateful for my wallet's return. And that my life has been made just that much easier. I feel that all the ease I can get would be greatly appreciated.

YES

stands for Youth Empowerment Summit. As I am still under 24, I count as a youth which means I got to go and see all of my friends from Queer Youth Advocacy Day. Krissy, Kiernan, Dwyn, and Taoni were there. I met Kiernan's friends Brandon and Allie and they were pretty much amazing. I danced a bit and had a fairly lovely time. One of the best workshops I've ever been to: A workshop on relationships hosted by a lesbian named Sue Anderson. It was wonderfully empowering and all that jazz. She had a lot of empowering things to say. One of which was how, in the end, the only person whose opinion matters is mine. I think this empowering feeling that I feel is one huge step towards finding that inner boyfriend. So many important things were said: Internal power is I rule the world. External power is the world rules me. I find this to be somewhat true. I will strive to rule my world in the future. I think one of the most powerful things that she said was

"Every relationship is a reminder of how wonderful I am"

I think this is how it should be. Relationships, platonic or romantic, should be for my benefit and the enrichment of the life of both people involved. It's applicable on so many levels.
I asked some people to dance. Some said yes. Some said No. Instead of coming from a place of "What's wrong with me?" I did a pretty okay job of realizing: yeah, it is a problem that they have to deal with themselves. So, I danced with Allie. I danced with Myself. He's a pretty good guy, that me.
I find something that I'm struggling with is how everything that I'm doing is based on the regard of other people. I'm not really looking for a romantic relationship. Then again, I'm not NOT looking for a relationship. I'm unsure of where I stand on that whole point but, I digress. It seems that I care way too much about what others think of me. I think the whole of idea (that I understand) of Buddhism's True self is that my superficial body and thoughts created and about that body aren't really what matters. To tie that in with the very American "The only person that matters is Me" philosophy, is I think something that I need to remember is that I am the only person that I can truly influence and whose thoughts I can actively change. It's a very strange place in which I am right now but, it's okay. I'm going to be a little bit less conceited and start to love myself a little more. I'm going to eat cookies and drink eggnog. I'm going to forget about him and find him in me. This is an interesting revelation.

Hey.

That was my first actual word to him in over a month. Hey? I'm such a spaz. Whatever. It's not like it was a huge deal anyways. More importantly, I'm going to be sad when I don't have to go to that class anymore. I really enjoy Communications and I made a few friends in that class. Another thing that I noticed was that the Attractive to non-attractive people ratio in that class was very high. Which, to be utterly shallow, doesn't hurt I suppose. Wow. I'm really not liking how this blog is turning out. But, I shall continue. Maybe it will get better. Stay Tuned!


Ummmm...So, today was my final huge project in Comm. Apparently, It went well. At least that's what the teacher said. And who am I to believe? ha. I Wung it. haha. Winged? I did whatever and it worked. So nice to not have to prepare. I'm setting a horrible standard but, it's finals week and I had work and class non-stop. Next semester will be different. This I steadfastly believe in.

Also, Yesterday my landlord put the package that my family sent in the laundry room. Meaning that I woke up to some early christmas presents, food and toilet paper and tooth paste. I haven't opened it all up, yet. I think I'm going to go do that now. It's wonderfully exciting!

Plugging along

Drudgery. Finals week is coming up. I've been working on homework. And cleaning. and doing laundry. And trying not to obsess about a few things. Trying not to focus on how much of a loser I am. Figuratively and literally, of course. I guess I am lucky. I cancelled my check card and didn't have to account for any "fraudulent activity". I can go apply for another driver's license. The worst part of it is having to buy another student ID. And another MUNI pass. and having to explain to my landlord that I lost my set of keys. FUCK MY LIFE. I feel so ineffectual and immature. That might be because i'm behaving as such right now. Oh well, at least I have a plan. And i'm making it happen. This seems to be how I deal with stress: Make a plan. Enact it. It doesn't matter that I want to curl up and sleep forever...

Forget it.

I hate being so forgetful. I hate that I can't just forget certain things and retain the important stuff. I feel SO FUCKING STUPID.

I forgot my wallet on the bus.

It had all of my stuff in it. My driver's license, my MUNI pass, my keys and $20 dollars. I'm quite angry. Of course, I called the headquarters immediately but, of course nobody is going to turn it in. This is a city filled with crackheads and wallet-takers.
This is a loss that I'm not sure that I can fully recover from. Well, of course I can recover but I'm really pissed that I have to. Whatever. My life was going somewhat well...
okay, not really. This was just a continuing trend.