Summer

My summer will be quite interesting. As soon as I can get to the end of June, I am home free. Saturdays will be my only refuge.
Next Saturday is the Beach party
The Saturday after is Hayward Gay Prom
The Saturday after is SF Gay prom
The Saturday after that is Pride
Meanwhile, I start working Mornings from 6:30 to 11:00 Monday through Friday Next Monday
and the Monday after that I start going to school 12:00 to 2:00. I'll be adding more hours at LYRIC as well because I have afternoons free as well as evenings which is when I'll be rehearsing with SFGMC on Monday, SFGLFB on Tuesday and GLAM on wednesday. I have school from June 9th to July 11th. And work from Now to the end of June. Basically my weekdays will be
Wake up and get ready 5:00 to 5:30
MUNI 5:45 to 6:25
Work 6:30 to 11:00
MUNI 11:15 to 12:00
School 12:15 to 2:10
MUNI 2:15 to 2:45
Work 3:00 to 6:00
MUNI from 6:00 to 6:30
Rehearsal from 7:00 to 10:00
And then I get to do it all over again! Whoooo. I heart Saturdays. And Sundays, Tambien.

Nothing to do?!??!

W.
T.
F.
I have no idea how to approach this. I literally have NOTHING to do. Well, except go grocery shopping but even that isn't a necessity. I feel intensely out of my element. The only thing that I really have to do is go to rehearsal tonight which may or may not happen because I'm feeling a little sick. Seriously, though? What am I doing with my life right now...? I haven't been in this position in months and I don't know what to do. It's kind of nice while at the same time being really unsettling. I guess I can watch movies on my laptop and eat some more....I really should go do that grocery shopping and get it ALL out of the way, right?

Is complete

I have finally completed everything for every class I have had this semester. All of the extra credit included. My last essay was due 5 minutes ago but I emailed that bad boy about an hour and a half ago. How funny that I was rarin' to go to write that essay. Did my rough draft yesterday night and went over it this morning. I hope I get an A in that class. I feel as though I deserve it. Speaking of deserving an A, my Jury went really well. I was quite pleased with the brass faculty's reaction to it. I suppose it was the validation I have been looking for. Tony Collin, the trombone teacher, even invited me to a brass clinic he's a part of at Humboldt state. Apparently, I was the only one he offered the opportunity to. It was a wonderful compliment. Even though, I doubt I'm going to have the funding to go. Scholarships are already spoken for and it's quite a chunk of change for a week. Still, it's the thought that counts. There seems to be a running trend with brass teachers and their disregard for my financial situation. My last trumpet teacher seemed to think nothing of going all the way to Santa Barbara and dropping $70 on two music books. This trumpet teacher seems to think that a C trumpet (which is the next step for orchestral trumpet players) is in the near future...I guess it's awesome that they think I'm ready for it. Still, I don't know if I am on the whole. Playing-wise, maybe. But Money-wise? I just don't know.
So! I think the remedy for this is to do what I've been planning on doing. Working my ass off during the summer and hoping that some scholarship or financial aid comes through so that I can do what I came here to do. It's not that hard. I can do it.

Has a final today

and on wednesday. And a jury on thursday. I'm basically over it. I'd like very much for the next movement to begin. At least I should be getting good grades. I'm really, really close to an A in counterpoint which, is good because I'm probably going to do that stupid extra credit assignment. I should do well on the Ear Training performance final to make up for the presumably bad job I did on the written part of the final. Then, all I have to do is show up and play for my Jury. On a thursday, in my work uniform no less but still. I'm going to do it and it's going to be okay. After this week I'll have Mondays, Wednesday and Friday off for about 2 weeks! That's exciting. I should probably get going and get stuff done. I still need to cram for that stupid test. Honestly, who cares about the Bolshevik revolution? Bolsheviks! That's who. And we all know what happened to them....or at least we should because it's probably going to be on the test.
*sigh*

Food for thought

It's irritating that I keep seeing the Attractive Play-Going Companion everywhere I turn. Literally I have seen him 3 times this week. We don't have any classes together but, for some reason he keeps turning up in the creative arts building, when I'm walking to class, On MUNI.....
Of course, I have to act like it doesn't bother me. But, I don't know why. Every time I see his face, he looks rather displeased. Which only furthers my goal of being nonchalant about the whole ordeal. I guess if he tried to talk to me I'd be civil. Heck, I'd probably be friendly. But, I doubt that's going to happen. Oh well, the school year is almost over and I don't have to deal with it anymore. SFSU is a rather big campus. And there are people that I would actually like to see that I haven't seen yet this week. 3 times?! Especially, in the creative arts building. I rule here. Go away before someone drops a house on you...Anyways, I just had to get that off of my chest.

Back to the point of this post.

So, I was in my lesson and it was going rather well. Having an hour (instead of 30 minutes like I usually do) meant that my trumpet professor and I had the opportunity to discuss things that we wouldn't normally get to. So, we were talking about the psychology of any audition/performance and how it's possible to get so nervous that you don't have any idea what's going on and simply act. He made the analogy of it being like going on a date and not knowing what to say but, just saying anything. He asked if I ever do that which I thought was an odd question. I told him that I live my life like that. Most of what I say is simply projected through the filter-less hole on the front of my face seconds after coming up with it. I honestly find myself talking and wondering "Do I really sound like that? Is that what I actually think?" And of course, I do. And it usually is. Most times. Which was interesting to him because apparently (at least from his perspective) I come off like I know what I'm talking about. So, I guess I've pulled off the confidence act rather well. I guess it's interesting that once again, I have no idea what my image to others is. I should probably give serious consideration to thinking before I say things. But, I guess that's neither here nor there.

Responsibilities

Scenario 1:

After I blog this, I immediately start writing and rehearsing my last performance
I find my Rhythm book and practice for my last ear training assignment
I start doing my final 47 minutes of Music for Ear Training
I study for my history final
I go to sleep late knowing that I accomplished alot but still feel kind of bored with it all

Scenario 2
I continue procrastinating
I make and eat a bag of popcorn, some cereal and a bowl of pasta
I worry about how much money I have without doing anything about it
MYSPACE
Work on the final playlist for my shitty mp3 player
Call my friends and mindlessly chatter
I go to sleep early knowing that I accomplished very little and still feel kind of bored with it all.

Decisions, Decisions....
I think i'm going to go with scenario 2. Which of course, will entail me not doing a very good job tomorrow at school. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go to Comm. 362. Or History. Such a bad student right now...
I'm very much over school and work and not getting enough sleep. I'm thinking it was definitely a good idea NOT to go out Saturday. Especially when Friday was that much fun and energy draining. Too bad I had to go to church this morning. I'm tired.

Queer Youth Advocacy Day 2008

So, I've hesitated to blog about this event in my life. Partly because I just didn't have the time. But, also because quite frankly I'm still trying to understand exactly how I feel about the whole ordeal. By the time it was over I was very much annoyed with some aspects of this weekend. I'm very glad I got to strengthen my skills in regards to lobbying and advocacy. I'm also pleased with my growth as a human being. In retrospect, I feel like I needed to make the mistakes that I made in order to realize the huge problem that I have. So, I guess I should talk about it: The mistake. Getting involved with a participant is EXCEEDINGLY inappropriate, especially considering that I was supposed to be a youth leader. My main problem was that I went to this year expecting to act like I did last year as a youth participant. And that was clearly not the case. I'm 18. I'm essentially an adult now. Words cannot express how ashamed I am of myself yet, I wouldn't change what happened. I know now that I am not as mature as I would like to be. The whole ordeal made me realize that I must maintain my morals. I must strive to better myself. I've seen intensely negative aspects of myself that I'm working on to change: I reject before I get rejected. I'm ridiculous dramatic. I can change emotions at the drop of a hat, so fast that I don't even know what's real and what isn't. But, all those aside I must also realize that it's to my benefit that I am aware of these things. Admitting is the first step towards change.
All of this aside, I feel like I did a good job in regards to the bills AB3015 and AB2567. They will definitely change policies and make kids feel safer in school. So, that's all good. The only problem I have now is learning how to change the aforementioned things about myself. But, life is a work in progress.