San Francisco: Rainy and Unique

There's really no other place like it. Today I was awoken by my teacher calling me. At 9:30 am. On a Sunday. I was not coherent but what I managed to glean from him is that he wanted me to sub for him at a gig. I didn't know what it was but he told me to dress nice (in articles of clothing I don't own) and meet him at the Green Mortuary in North Beach. So, after a fiasco of Public transportation and retail merchandise, I show up slightly on time to see them playing a funeral procession at a wake. Wow, that's cool I guess. If only it wasn't raining...Anyways, we end up playing for about 4 hours, and I get a tip in a little red envelope. The whole thing was so surreal, wandering through china town playing brass band music...

That little red envelope. I happened on something profound, I guess, because of that envelope. This older trumpet player told me:

"Hey, I'll give you a dime for that envelope"

joking because the envelope presumably has something of higher value in it. To which I responded:

"Okay, it's just an envelope"

kind of joking that I would just hand him the envelope but keep what's inside. Which actually made me think:

Sometimes, we confuse the actual contents of the vessel for the vessel itself.

hmmmm. Me being a smartass has provided a nice metaphor for not taking things at face value. And how we are more than the sum of our parts. And things. Interesting....

Re-energized?

Why do I feel like Spring Break just sapped everything I have? I come back to San Francisco to find it raining. No groceries in my fridge because I don't have time to shop until tomorrow night. It might be the fact that our studio recital is a week from today and my junior recital is a week after that. So much work and I feel really drained. And assignments are already due. And..and...and...

: /

I've decided that I'd rather be Sleeping Beauty. I'd love to just fall asleep until Prince Charming came to rescue me. How sweet a deal would that be? Man, she was lucky. And if he never comes I'll just sleep and be beautiful. Things to aspire to be.

SLO

We're finally settled there. I feel good about it, I think.

The whole ordeal was (and is) a tad bit stressful but it's ultimately a positive move in the right direction.

The good things about SLO:

My mom and little brother have a place to live

It's close enough to walk to downtown

I'll be able to go home more often

When I go home, I'll have a place to stay

It's close to farmer's market

SLO is closer to San Francisco than Nipomo

My mom can finally focus on getting back on her feet

My little brother can start going to school

My little brother has a friend

My mom has a support system

and the list goes on, I think. It's a good thing. I'm glad I went home to help this transition.

Candidate T119

That's me. One out of 30 trumpet players. Almost all of the rest of whom were definitely out of school, definitely a lot older and experienced than me and definitely did not look happy to be there. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who smiled when the attendant called my name. The atmosphere was quite strange. Nobody seemed to be enjoying the fact that one of the 30 of us could win a really cool job. It was all very tense.

Anyways, I didn't advance but the woman was very nice about it. I definitely learned a lot and got some audition experience which will be helpful later on.

Now it's Spring Break! I get to relax and see my family and practice and eat!

Just sang through my rep

Audition tomorrow. Eeee!

Of course, there's going to be a lot of talented players there. However, I intend to be one of them. It's uncommon for someone still in school to win a job so early. But I've never had a problem with being uncommon. I feel okay about tomorrow however it may go. This week was a mountainous range of obstacles that I feel that I overcame with at least some grace. The performances on Friday and Saturday went well. This morning's concerto wasn't without it's mistakes but overall it was okay. All I have to do now is make it to Berkeley and play well. Which, I am capable of doing. How crazy would it be if I won the job? Principal Trumpet of the Berkeley Symphony at age 20. I rather like the sound of that...

Never again

All nighters. No bueno...

So, yeah. Gustav Holst and the mysticism of The Planets suite. Term paper. 12-15 pages.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkk.

Did it. It took me two nights and nineteen bajillion swear-words and my friends in the Annex until midnight and coffeecoffeecoffee but, I did it. And now I reap what I've sewn. I swear I was healthy on Sunday. It's now almost a week later and I'm STILL sick. My throat/nose/mouth/life hurts.

I made it through the school week. That was: Midterm (that I kind of didn't study for) and Presentation on Monday. Tuesday I turned that paper in and tried to go to work and then practice but, my supervisor told me to go home. Orchestra rehearsal and Dress rehearsal for the Bay Area Rainbow Symphony on Wednesday. Thursday was work and apparently something due in Tonal Counterpoint that I didn't do (WHY DON"T I CARE???) and Friday a mock audition in front of my friends and a pretty good performance with BARS.

All I have to do this weekend is run through my audition one more time, Nail the rest of the Mahler excerpts (....), Perform with BARS again, save my face, play the Concerto at Church, see the Blue eyed boy again, and then Audition on Monday. It's nothing, really.

It's really hard to be positive right now but, I think I'm doing it. I got waitlisted for one of the summer programs that I applied for. Better than being rejected, right? Okay. I'm going home on Tuesday. Then I'm going to get better. Then I'm going to practice, practice, practice and achieve my goals. Ready, GO!

Do I really?

Existential Qualm. Complain. Gripe. Moan. There, I saved you some time. You can now go about your day.

Orchestra rehearsal today was not so much fun. Are they ever, really? Is this what I'm doing with my life? I feel like more often than not, I enjoy the fact that I'm "good" at music. I have an audition for the Berkeley Symphony in two weeks. I'm actually setting myself up to be judged on something that I base my entire self worth on. And I'm not going to compare with the folks who do this for a living. I just won't. So, what does that mean?

So negative.

Walking ball of chill neuroses, I am. Everything is okay, even as I'm screaming mediocrity.