Authority? Hiss....

So, here is a picture of me in my Leopard costume. T'was quite amazing. And I am quite out of it so my post will be brief. Mainly my night was hanging out with one of my friend and going to the castro even though there was supposed to be

NO FUN

and
NO PARTY

hahaha. I love that the government thought they could tell me what to do. I DEFY them. MWAHAH. And now I'm just tired and rambling. So, good night!

And Fate reminds us: Cranberry Tricycle Glass

And by that I mean she is always RANDOM. As all get out, I suppose. So for the past 23 hours I've been in a serious phase of "Fuck my life, Fuck my life, Fuck my life" But, now...I just don't know. I'm not going to be so cliche as to say that it all works out. I think it all just kind of happens. And things keep happening to me and I don't know if I like it or not. I lost my cell phone...But, that will be addressed later in the story. Keep reading! it gets better.
Today, I got my first route officially as walker number #57. Whoo fucking hoo. The A.M. route went okay. Only 5 lates as opposed to 40 on-schedule. PM was a fucking disaster. I wasn't really late or anything, I was just really tired. On the break in between the two (which is supposed to be 4 hours and was only 2.5) I went to school to try and get some advising for Priority registration. I signed up, got food, came back and realized that if I waited i was going to be late for work. Meanwhile, I had been checking my e-mail constantly to see if something good was happening. Anything. And finally it did. My wonderful supervisor found my missing cell phone! Which, of course, is a rather bourgeois thing to be upset about but, honestly my entire means of communication gone is reason enough to be upset. I lost my phone at night when I went to call my Mom. It was like being cut off. The first thought that ran through my mind "Fuck my life, Fuck my life, Fuck my life" and it sort of hadn't stopped until I realized that nothing is really that bad. Or it kind of is. But, I don't really know. And that's enough of my philosophical musing. Oh, in other news I've decided that yes I am going to double Major. Communications looks like a worthwhile prospect and the classes that I've decided to take now can be counted as General Ed. So, I'll ease my way into it. I would like some help on this matter but, I guess I'm a hell of a lot better prepared than last time I did this whole scheduling thing. And look how that turned out. Pretty damn okay. Despite the fact that I am (for lack of a better phrase) Butt-booty ass tired.
Incidentally, I need to be asleep 2 hours ago. So, I guess I'll cut this one short. Halloween is tomorrow! You can expect pictures in the next post...I think.

Borderline Productive

That's how i feel today went. My Long lost twin and I met at Nervous Dog Coffee to do homework where I learned that Sacagawea meets the criteria for a member of import of Shoshone origin, which is perfect because I have to write a paper explaining who she is and how she is important. I'm also less articulate and conscious than I would be due to the fact that I consumed about 16 ounces of espresso, chocolate and banana. It was called the "Rhesus Monkey" and it was delicious.
The Roommate seems to be meeting my expectations of her, having gone off yet again back home to "collect her thoughts". However, my assumptions of her reasons are slightly off: she doesn't particular care for our friends in SLO at the moment, giving her even less reason to go home. Whatever, at least she can make rent on time. Which is something that I have struggled with recently. I'm in the intial stages of cash flow, meaning that next month rent should be gravy. As of now, I've had to depend upon family for most of it. And for groceries. For that, I am very grateful because...well...I'm hungry. But, I digress. She's going home and I get the Apartment to myself for 2 weeks! Now, I must clean and launder and prepare for next week. This will involve locating my California Overnight uniform and doing the Music Theory homework that I have neglected up until now. I would really like to be able to post pictures on this blog but, my cell phone camera is acting up and the pictures that i took at Nervous Dog are not visible. Unacceptable! But, life goes on, I suppose. I turn 18 in exactly one week!

And I sound like a broken record!

I need to shut the hell up. hahah
Other than that wonderful little fucked up-ness,
Life is going. Kind of well, I should think. I gave 3 speeches that day: One for Comm. and Two to high school classes for CUAV (Community United Against Violence). I feel like I accomplished a lot yesterday, despite the fact that I cam home and went to sleep at 5 and didn't wake up until 7am this morning. Actually, it was much needed I believe. Fridays are always draining.
This weekend I would like to do a lot of things: Figure out if I'm going to be able to make rent, possibly buy the last aspect of my costume (hopefully I'll have enough), Grocery shop (notice a theme here?), Do some Music Theory stuff, Kick Ass on a paper for AIS (the most boring class EVER), clean, do some Laundry and possibly go out. In that order, actually. Hah, didn't plan it out like that but I guess subconsciously my mind knows what needs to be done. Now if only my body could follow suit...

Nobody Knows

I think it's funny that for someone who contemplates how he presents himself, I am intensely unaware of what people think of me. The more important question is: Do I care?
And the answer escapes me. Sometimes, with select people, the answer is yes. Other times I think that in presenting myself with an indifferent attitude, I want to be perceived as such. So, I have to say that I am unaware of my place in the world and people's eyes but am forever changing it. For example, Yesterday I gave a speech in Communications class. I had timed myself to be roughly 3 minutes and 45 seconds when the guideline was 4-6 minutes. But, while speaking time seemed to be going by too rapidly and I had to cut out a lot of it, causing me to become flustered and deliver a lackluster conclusion. Nobody but me knew why I was fumbling for words. And nobody else really cared, I think.
My Attractive-play going Companion is in that class. He is a prime example of how very, very ignorant I am of my image. I was talking to other people and doing my best to ignore him. This is what I want, right? No contact. He doesn't know that I am still unsure. He doesn't know that I want him to talk to me or at least care. But, He also doesn't know is that I'd rather not make the connection because I would like to not get hurt for a third time. I don't know, he doesn't know. Nobody knows.

Estoy Trabajando

Todo el dia. Ciertamente.
This morning I woke up at 5. Got to work at 6:30 only to discover that I've been given my own route...kinda. I had to do it with this guy who kind of annoys me but, also kind of reminds me of someone in my family. Weird. It would have been better off if I had done it by myself, it was so small. I only had about 30 packages. But, that's neither here nor there I suppose. It was boring and difficult. At least I'm making money.
Afterwards, I went to the Castro and bought a few add ons for my Leopard Costume. It's going to be quite cool, I believe. Then, I went to LYRIC to help my supervisor with the intern interview process. Then, I went back home for 20 minutes to change and eat. Then I went back and interviewed another intern before going to a Training that lasted 2.5 hours. I finally got home around 7:30ish and I realized: "Damn, I am stressed as fuck"
Had to write a speech for Communications class and prepare some pictures and Evaluation forms for this Speaker's Bureau gig tomorrow. Yet another jam packed friday for me. Of course, academia won't be my only struggle. I'll have to stand in front of a class that includes the Attractive Play going Companion and deliver a speech. Ah well, it's about trumpet playing. Something that I'm fairly confident in my ability to discuss. It's more that I worry about so many things that I have a small measure of control over. My thoughts, fears and emotions...
FUCK.
Just generally, I can go throughout my day and not realize how worried I am about certain things. It's like my brain has a collection of shelves that are always crooked and I keep trying to put things on them that might stay on for a little while but, I keep having to rearrange them...It's articulate, I know, but that's how I feel. Oh well, Today my supervisor told me
that he really appreciates the effort that I'm making to be there every day and that he recognizes what I'm doing. It was really cool. I feel that we don't get acknowledged enough on the whole. As people. So, I think from now on when someone does something, I will acknowledge what they've done. Just to make sure that they don't go unnoticed. It's very demoralizing to go throughout your day and be treated like you haven't done anything. I know for a fact that I did something today. It's nice when someone notices.

Synchronicity and/or Coincidence

I have noticed a lot more instances of this since I've moved to San Francisco. It might be because of the fact that I seem to live/experience/be subjected to life more intensely than I ever did back home. It might also be because of the fact that I'm looking for similarities between things that I'm constantly thinking about and my mundane life. How perfect would it be to have the trivialities join together into something magnificent? Everything happens for a reason. I think the trivialities are a lot like notes in a scale: Use them the right way and create Euphony. That's just my random thought for the day. I would also like to say that I miss home. Very much so. I miss my friends. I miss random people. I see your faces everywhere. It's quite possible that in my currently emotionally vulnerable state I'm attributing a lot more to my experience, but I feel as though human sentiment has finally wormed it's ugly head into my thoughts. At least a little. Agh.
Oh well, I'm going to bed. I get to sleep in until 6 am tomorrow! This pleases me to an extent. The fatigue that I felt this afternoon snuck up on me. It was not pleasant. Nor was it conducive to learning my coworker's PM route. I need to be alert from now on. I've taken to stretching after I wake up. I've also taken to attempting to sleep on my back and do breathing exercises. More on that later once I form an opinion on this practice...