Haven't slept

I'm so excited. But, also this is a calculated move on my part to beat jetlag and maximize conscious Europe-time. I leave 6 hours from now. I woke up...too many hours ago to do the math right now. Also, sentences are difficult to form. I wonder what it will be like when I actually get my ass on the plane? I'm pretty sure I'll be out like a light. Success....

Waiting and Enjoying

I've been here on this lazy Sunday...just waiting and hanging out. It's quite relaxing. It's funny how pleasant life can be when you're not in school. It almost makes me wonder why I do it...?

Just waiting to go off to Spain. This weekend has been quite fun. Just hanging with friends and enjoying the surprisingly sunny (but admittedly still cold) San Francisco weather. It's looking like the weather abroad won't be much different than the weather here. Oh, I can't wait for Madrid, Frankfurt, Hamburg, Essen, Berlin, Heidelberg and Tübingen.

Two thousand Eleven

So, quite possibly this is the best break I have ever had.

I feel good about that.

It might have something to do with how terrible the semester was but then again it might just also be because the past few weeks have been a lot of fun. Hanging out with friends, Going Home and not wanting to punch everything, Super Rocking Party. All really great things.

So now all I must do is tie up a couple of loose ends before heading off to Europe. It's going to be cold and beautiful : ]

Winding down

Only one more final and then I'm completely done for the semester. It's a good feeling but of course I'm still restless. Now it just means that I have other stressful things to focus on...like next semester. Orchestration anyone? Yeah...that'll be useful in future...I need to figure that out because it has a lot to do with whether or not I'm in Orchestra next semester or take lessons or....feel sane about anything. The DAAD scholarship deadline is in a couple of months and I just got my first bit of feedback (read: judgment to my face) about my project proposal. It never ends, does it? I'm winding down before I wind back up....

Light at the end of the tunnel

I'm almost there!

Less than a month until Europe, my rides home and back for Christmas squared away. My final paper and presentation almost done...

All I have to do is survive. I'm pretty sure I'll pass all of my classes and do everything that needs to be done tomorrow. This weekend was pretty okay. I forgot that I had to work even though I had a concert both nights I was scheduled (which didn't make my supervisor very happy) and today I worked on my term paper that's due tomorrow. I'm a little worried for my final because I started studying this weekend but I did the same thing for the midterm and got an A. Oh well, getting on by...

I'm glad that I'm in this somewhat okay place because, while I could be a lot happier, I could also be a lot less happy.

A Skosh Miffed

So, things seem to be like they're falling into place. I have the lessons thing roughly figure out (I think), I can see light at the end of the tunnel in terms of school. Everything is eeeeeaasing on down the road. But, of course I can't do anything without being a little bit dramatic or overcomplicated, right? Right, that just wouldn't be me...

So there was this guy from back home that I wasn't really romantically involved with just kind of had a little something unresolved. Just like I kinda liked him and he kinda liked me back. Cool? Cool. So, I talked to him about it and referenced that feeling which to be honest, I hadn't felt in a while and basically he was like "Nope". Which is cool, I guess. I reacted pretty much how I always do when faced with rejection and proceeded to take steps to cut him out of my life. Super healthy, I know. Welp, whatever. He wasn't that cute and I wasn't that into him but still. It's not a great feeling to feel even though by now I should probably be used to it.. Baggaaaggeee.....

And another thing that pissed me off (Because this is a blog and that's what blogs are for...Dammit) is no sooner than I signed out of the chat window with him I get an email from my super imposing Foreign classmate about our project in Germany. Okay, so homegirl is from Europe and already speaks the damn language. We spent about an hour working on Googledocs (and by we I mean I did while she suggest lofty, complicated ideas) and then I had to leave to work on another project that matters FAR more than this one. Because we're basically going to get an automatic A on this presentation, I'm not working too hard on it even though i'm clearly the only one working. BUT then she sends me an email telling me to print out copies of a clearly revised version of our project which is fine because at least we have something to do....but really? really now? I could have used that hour...

So I have these minor frustrations but that's all they are. minor frustrations.

I don't

fucking know.

want to do that.

have the capacity.

think I'm going to make it through the end of the semester without a few problems. Three weeks of hell are coming up and then I'm done. done. done. Lessons? What am I going to do about that? I don't have anything prepared for my juries and even thinking about it stresses me out. It would be great if we could just pretend it never happened, like I wish it did. I wish I had known how this would all have turned out because I never would have signed up for any of it. Papers, papers, papers. I'm never going to grad school because I can't actually write. I don't think I've ever written a paper that accurately represents my knowledge on a given subject in my life. What I have done, is demonstrated my ability to bullshit and procrastinate. This isn't working.

42 days.