Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Backwardssdrawkcab
I dunno. I'm feeling like I'm moving along...Kinda moving forwards but, maybe not. I'm surrounded by all of this tumultuous feeling that I have no control over. My friend and compatriot is now in a position I might once have envied: The person who broke his heart has realized their mistake and is now seeking to reconcile the situation. I am jealous of him in one way but, more importantly I am jealous of him because he confided in me that he has fully healed from the ordeal. Meaning that he doesn't want to hurt himself or anyone else and has the clarity to do the things that he knows are right. I wish I could say the same for myself. I have no idea what's going on, what I want, what I can have and what's good for me. One would think that after 2 months, I would be on my way to be totally okay with everything. This has always been the person that I am though. I have no concept of time in relation to healing. It's always going to be right now and the grass is always greener on the other side. I remember when I was happy. I remember even 5 days ago when I was so close to being totally fine. Where was he? Where is that person that I was? I miss him.
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1 comment:
Some one described depression as "anger turned inward," which I believe is just another way of saying "unforgiveness of self."
Your friend seems to have come to point of maturity that can be hard to get to: giving of self without expecting something in return. Some people are naturally able to be like that, while others have to make a conscious decision. Either way, it's hard to spend time moping about yourself when you've got your attention on someone else's needs. Look around. Someone needs you.
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