Handle it

Almost everyone seems to think that I am a lot more stoic than I do. They all have such faith in me. I'm pretty sure I can handle a lot. I'm almost sure that I'm going to be okay, most of the time. For some reason the little insecurity of not knowing that I'm going to be 100% okay with everything makes me more upset than others will ever know. I saw a post secret today that said "Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But, not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering." I can identify with this. They all seem to think that I'm going to be fine. That whatever happens, I'm going to be okay. I wish I could believe them. Right now, I'm a little more tender than I'd like to be.
I spent today with the GSA mentor. She has a lot to say about my life currently and for that I'm grateful. One thing that I'm getting from her, my mom and myself: I have such capacity for emotion that when it's bad, it's really bad. But it's going to get better and when it does I'll be so much happier. I think that's true. I have the ability and tendency to bear a lot of pain. But, it's the same tendency that lends itself to being so intense with my emotions; happy or sad. I'm not sure when it's going to happen but in the mean time I guess I just have to handle it.