It's ironic. It really is. All this time I've been trying to "live in the now" and not focus on the future. That strategy obviously wasn't working and isnt going to anymore because "the now" SUCKS. Hahahahahahahahaha.
Oh, funny funny. To maintain my sanity and composure, I've taken to thinking towards the future. Oh it will be great. Remember in my second year of college when all of that horrible stuff was happening? Yeah that was awful but I'm happy now. I learned so much. I learned not to expect everyone you think you love to feel the same way. I learned to be happy by myself. I learned my family and friends are strong and there for me. I can't wait until I can say those things. I'm going to be able to smile again, I hope. Bigger than before.
This sounds grand and whatnot but, how does it apply to this week? Every time I call home or every time I go near our lockers? I have to plan small scale: Tomorrow, I will appreciate my life and that it's not a lot worse. I will do well in my classes. I will call Mom and we'll talk about good things. I acknowledge but, cant be consumed by the pain.
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2 comments:
Oh yeah, the day you start to laugh at the absurdity of your dilemma is the day you start down the road to better times.
and may that road rise up to meet you
which in san francisco is a probability
i smell a breakthrough
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