Internal Power

It's a concept taught to me by the same awesome motivational lesbian who taught me that every relationship should be a reflection of how wonderful I am. It means that I rule my universe. The opposite, External power, is what I've been operating under for most of my life. It means that the universe controls me. I've been so overwhelmed by all of the bad things that I'd forgotten my pragmatic nature. The glass is a container with liquid in it, Gian. Remember.
I keep seeing him. Everything reminds me of him. I thought it was the universe trying to remind me of what I don't have. Right when I thought I was on the home stretch, between The M and the 33 on my way home, I was obsessing about everything. And then I saw the Lesbian and Gay Freedom Band. The Band that we both used to be a part of. The Band that he was marching with. As if I needed an entire marching band (complete with Kim boyd, Drum major extraordinaire) to announce his consistent presence in my life. HA!
I took this as a sign. Not that I need to see him or speak to him. But, that every time I talk to him, I am reminded of how inconsiderate and ignorant of my feelings he is. It's just where he's at. He doesn't know, He doesn't care enough to try. He doesn't want to give up what he thinks will make him happy. He's doing the best he can with what he's got. So, I've decided that every time I see him, it's going to be a reminder of how strong I can be. And how everything that I'm facing and dealing with right now is an opportunity for me to learn and get stronger.

I rule my fucking universe.

Hugs and Kisses!
Gian